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Title:      Jane of Lantern Hill
Author:     L. M. Montgomery
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Date first posted:          November 2002
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A Project Gutenberg of Australia eBook

Title:      Jane of Lantern Hill
Author:     L. M. Montgomery







TO THE MEMORY OF "LUCKY"

THE CHARMING AFFECTIONATE COMRADE OF FOURTEEN YEARS





1


Gay street, so Jane always thought, did not live up to its name.
It was, she felt certain, the most melancholy street in Toronto . . .
though, to be sure, she had not seen a great many of the Toronto
streets in her circumscribed comings and goings of eleven years.

Gay Street should be a GAY street, thought Jane, with gay, friendly
houses, set amid flowers, that cried out, "How do you do?" to you
as you passed them, with trees that waved hands at you and windows
that winked at you in the twilights.  Instead of that, Gay Street
was dark and dingy, lined with forbidding, old-fashioned brick
houses, grimy with age, whose tall, shuttered, blinded windows
could never have thought of winking at anybody.  The trees that
lined Gay Street were so old and huge and stately that it was
difficult to think of them as trees at all, any more than those
forlorn little things in the green pails by the doors of the
filling station on the opposite corner.  Grandmother had been
furious when the old Adams house on that corner had been torn down
and the new white-and-red filling station built in its place.  She
would never let Frank get petrol there.  But at that, Jane thought,
it was the only gay place on the street.

Jane lived at 60 Gay.  It was a huge, castellated structure of
brick, with a pillared entrance porch, high, arched Georgian
windows, and towers and turrets wherever a tower or turret could be
wedged in.  It was surrounded by a high iron fence with wrought-
iron gates . . . those gates had been famous in the Toronto of an
earlier day . . . that were always closed and locked by Frank at
night, thus giving Jane a very nasty feeling that she was a
prisoner being locked in.

There was more space around 60 Gay than around most of the houses
on the street.  It had quite a bit of lawn in front, though the
grass never grew well because of the row of old trees just inside
the fence . . . and quite a respectable space between the side of
the house and Bloor Street; but it was not nearly wide enough to
dim the unceasing clatter and clang of Bloor, which was especially
noisy and busy where Gay Street joined it.  People wondered why old
Mrs Robert Kennedy continued to live there when she had oodles of
money and could buy one of those lovely new houses in Forest Hill
or in the Kingsway.  The taxes on a lot as big as 60 Gay must be
ruinous and the house was hopelessly out of date.  Mrs Kennedy
merely smiled contemptuously when things like this were said to
her, even by her son, William Anderson, the only one of her first
family whom she respected, because he had been successful in
business and was rich in his own right.  She had never loved him,
but he had compelled her to respect him.

Mrs Kennedy was perfectly satisfied with 60 Gay.  She had come
there as the bride of Robert Kennedy when Gay Street was the last
word in streets and 60 Gay, built by Robert's father, one of the
finest "mansions" in Toronto.  It had never ceased to be so in her
eyes.  She had lived there for forty-five years and she would live
there the rest of her life.  Those who did not like it need not
stay there.  This, with a satirically amused glance at Jane, who
had never said she didn't like Gay Street.  But grandmother, as
Jane had long ago discovered, had an uncanny knack of reading your
mind.

Once, when Jane had been sitting in the Cadillac, one dark, dingy
morning in a snowy world, waiting for Frank to take her to St
Agatha's, as he did every day, she had heard two women, who were
standing on the street-corner, talking about it.

"Did you ever see such a dead house?" said the younger.  "It looks
as if it had been dead for ages."

"That house died thirty years ago, when Robert Kennedy died," said
the older woman.  "Before that it was a lively place.  Nobody in
Toronto entertained more.  Robert Kennedy liked social life.  He
was a very handsome, friendly man.  People could never understand
how he came to marry Mrs James Anderson . . . a widow with three
children.  She was Victoria Moore to begin with, you know, old
Colonel Moore's daughter . . . a very aristocratic family.  But she
was pretty as a picture then and was she crazy about him!  My dear,
she worshipped him.  People said she was never willing to let him
out of her sight for a moment.  And they said she hadn't cared for
her first husband at all.  Robert Kennedy died when they had been
married about fifteen years . . . died just after his first baby
was born, I've heard."

"Does she live all alone in that castle?"

"Oh, no.  Her two daughters live with her.  One of them is a widow
or something . . . and there's a granddaughter, I believe.  They
say old Mrs Kennedy is a terrible tyrant, but the younger daughter
. . . the widow . . . is gay enough and goes to everything you see
reported in Saturday Evening.  Very pretty . . . and can she dress!
She was the Kennedy one and took after her father.  She must hate
having all her fine friends coming to Gay Street.  It's worse than
dead . . . it's decayed.  But I can remember when Gay Street was
one of the most fashionable residential streets in town.  Look at
it now."

"Shabby genteel."

"Hardly even that.  Why, 58 Gay is a boarding-house.  But old Mrs
Kennedy keeps 60 up very well, though the paint is beginning to
peel off the balconies, you notice."

"Well, I'm glad I don't live on Gay Street," giggled the other, as
they ran to catch the car.

"You may well be," thought Jane.  Though, if she had been put to
it, she could hardly have told you where she would have liked to
live if not at 60 Gay.  Most of the streets through which she drove
to St Agatha's were mean and uninviting, for St Agatha's, that very
expensive and exclusive private school to which grandmother sent
Jane, now found itself in an unfashionable and outgrown locality
also.  But St Agatha's didn't mind that . . . St Agatha's would
have been St Agatha's, you must understand, in the desert of
Sahara.

Uncle William Anderson's house in Forest Hill was very handsome,
with landscaped lawns and rock gardens, but she wouldn't like to
live there.  One was almost terrified to walk over the lawn lest
one do something to Uncle William's cherished velvet.  You had to
keep to the flat stepping-stones path.  And Jane wanted to run.
You couldn't run at St Agatha's either, except when you were
playing games.  And Jane was not very good at games.  She always
felt awkward in them.  At eleven she was as tall as most girls of
thirteen.  She towered above the girls of her class.  They did not
like it and made Jane feel that she fitted in nowhere.

As for running at 60 Gay . . . had anybody ever run at 60 Gay?
Jane felt as if mother must have . . . mother stepped so lightly
and gaily yet that you thought her feet had wings.  But once, when
Jane had dared to run from the front door to the back door,
straight through the long house that was almost half the length of
the city block, singing at the top of her voice, grandmother, who
she had thought was out, had emerged from the breakfast-room and
looked at her with the smile on her dead-white face that Jane
hated.

"What," she said in the silky voice that Jane hated still more, "is
responsible for this outburst, Victoria?"

"I was running just for the fun of it," explained Jane.  It seemed
so very simple.  But grandmother had just smiled and said, as only
grandmother could say things:

"I wouldn't do it again if I were you, Victoria."

Jane never did it again.  That was the effect grandmother had on
you, though she was so tiny and wrinkled . . . so tiny that lanky,
long-legged Jane was almost as tall as she was.

Jane hated to be called Victoria.  Yet everybody called her that,
except mother, who called her Jane Victoria.  Jane knew somehow
that grandmother resented that . . . knew that for some reason
unknown to her, grandmother hated the name of Jane.  Jane liked it
. . . always had liked it . . . always thought of herself as Jane.
She understood that she had been named Victoria after grandmother,
but she did not know where the Jane had come from.  There were no
Janes in the Kennedys or Andersons.  In her eleventh year she had
begun to suspect that it might have come from the Stuart side.  And
Jane was sorry for that, because she did not want to think she owed
her favourite name to her father.  Jane hated her father in so far
as hatred could find place in a little heart that was not made for
hating anybody, even grandmother.  There were times Jane was afraid
she did hate grandmother, which was dreadful, because grandmother
was feeding and clothing and educating her.  Jane knew she ought to
love grandmother, but it seemed a very hard thing to do.
Apparently mother found it easy; but, then, grandmother loved
mother, which made a difference.  Loved her as she loved nobody
else in the world.  And grandmother did not love Jane.  Jane had
always known that.  And Jane felt, if she did not yet know, that
grandmother did not like mother loving her so much.

"You fuss entirely too much about her," grandmother had once said
contemptuously, when mother was worried about Jane's sore throat.

"She's all I have," said mother.

And then grandmother's old white face had flushed.

"I am nothing, I suppose," she said.

"Oh, mother, you know I didn't mean THAT," mother had said
piteously, fluttering her hands in a way she had which always made
Jane think of two little white butterflies.  "I meant . . . I meant
. . . she's my only child. . . ."

"And you love that child . . . his child . . . better than you love
me!"

"Not better . . . only differently," said mother pleadingly.

"Ingrate!" said grandmother.  It was only one word, but what venom
she could put into a word.  Then she had gone out of the room,
still with that flush on her face and her pale blue eyes
smouldering under her frosty hair.



2


"Mummy," said Jane as well as her swelled tonsils would let her,
"why doesn't grandmother want you to love me?"

"Darling, it isn't like that," said mother, bending over Jane, her
face like a rose in the light of the rose-shaded lamp.

But Jane knew it was like that.  She knew why mother seldom kissed
her or petted her in grandmother's presence.  It made grandmother
angry with a still, cold, terrible anger that seemed to freeze the
air about her.  Jane was glad mother didn't often do it.  She made
up for it when they were alone together . . . but then they were so
very seldom alone together.  Even now they would not have very long
together, for mother was going out to a dinner party.  Mother went
out almost every evening to something or other and almost every
afternoon too.  Jane always loved to get a glimpse of her before
she went out.  Mother knew this and generally contrived that Jane
should.  She always wore such pretty dresses and looked so lovely.
Jane was sure she had the most beautiful mother in the whole world.
She was beginning to wonder how any one so lovely as mother could
have a daughter so plain and awkward as herself.

"You'll never be pretty . . . your mouth is too big," one of the
girls at St Agatha's had told her.

Mother's mouth was like a rosebud, small and red, with dimples
tucked away at the corners.  Her eyes were blue . . . but not an
icy blue like grandmother's.  There is such a difference in blue
eyes.  Mother's were just the colour of the sky on a summer morning
between the great masses of white clouds.  Her hair was a warm,
wavy gold and to-night she was wearing it brushed away from her
forehead, with little bunches of curls behind her ears and a row of
them at the nape of her white neck.  She wore a dress of pale
yellow taffeta, with a great rose of deeper yellow velvet at one of
her beautiful shoulders.  Jane thought she looked like a lovely
golden princess, with the slender flame of the diamond bracelet on
the creamy satin of her arm.  Grandmother had given her the
bracelet last week for her birthday.  Grandmother was always giving
mother such lovely things.  And she picked out all her clothes for
her . . . wonderful dresses and hats and wraps.  Jane did not know
that people said Mrs Stuart was always rather overdressed, but she
had an idea that mother really liked simpler clothes and only
pretended to like better the gorgeous things grandmother bought for
her for fear of hurting grandmother's feelings.

Jane was very proud of mother's beauty.  She thrilled with delight
when she heard people whisper, "Isn't she lovely?"  She almost
forgot her aching throat as she watched mother put on the rich
brocaded wrap, just the colour of her eyes, with its big collar of
grey fox.

"Oh, but you're sweet, mummy," she said, putting up her hand and
touching mother's cheek as mother bent down and kissed her.  It was
like touching a rose-leaf.  And mother's lashes lay on her cheeks
like silken fans.  Some people, Jane knew, looked better farther
off; but the nearer you were to mother, the prettier she was.

"Darling, do you feel very sick?  I hate to leave you but . . ."

Mother didn't finish her sentence but Jane knew she meant,
"Grandmother wouldn't like it if I didn't go."

"I don't feel very sick at all," said Jane gallantly "Mary will
look after me."

But after mother had gone, with a swish of taffeta, Jane felt a
horrible lump in her throat that had nothing to do with her
tonsils.  It would be so easy to cry . . . but Jane would not let
herself cry.  Years ago, when she had been no more than five, she
had heard mother say very proudly, "Jane never cries.  She never
cried even when she was a tiny baby."  From that day Jane had been
careful never to let herself cry, even when she was alone in bed at
night.  Mother had so few things to be proud of in her: she must
not let her down on one of those few things.

But it was dreadfully lonely.  The wind was howling along the
street outside.  The tall windows rattled drearily and the big
house seemed full of unfriendly noises and whispers.  Jane wished
Jody could come in and sit with her for a while.  But Jane knew it
was useless to wish for that.  She could never forget the only time
Jody had come to 60 Gay.

"Well, anyhow," said Jane, trying to look on the bright side of
things in spite of her sore throat and aching head, "I won't have
to read the Bible to them to-night."

"Them" were grandmother and Aunt Gertrude.  Very seldom mother
because mother was nearly always out.  But every night before Jane
went to bed she had to read a chapter in the Bible to grandmother
and Aunt Gertrude.  There was nothing in the whole twenty-four
hours that Jane hated doing more than that.  And she knew quite
well that that was just why grandmother made her do it.

They always went into the drawing-room for the reading and Jane
invariably shivered as she entered it.  That huge, elaborate room,
so full of things that you could hardly move about in it without
knocking something over, always seemed cold even on the hottest
night in summer.  And on winter nights it was cold.  Aunt Gertrude
took the huge family Bible, with its heavy silver clasp, from the
marble-topped centre table and laid it on a little table between
the windows.  Then she and grandmother sat, one at each end of the
table, and Jane sat between them at the side, with Great-
grandfather Kennedy scowling down at her from the dim old painting
in its heavy, tarnished gilt frame, flanked by the dark blue velvet
curtains.  That woman on the street had said that Grandfather
Kennedy was a nice friendly man but his father couldn't have been.
Jane always thought candidly that he looked as if he would enjoy
biting a nail in two.

"Turn to the fourteenth chapter of Exodus," grandmother would say.
The chapter varied every night, of course, but the tone never did.
It always rattled Jane so that she generally made a muddle of
finding the right place.  And grandmother, with the hateful little
smile which seemed to say, "So you can't even do this as it should
be done," would put out her lean, crapy hand, with its rich old-
fashioned rings, and turn to the right place with uncanny
precision.  Jane would stumble through the chapter, mispronouncing
words she knew perfectly well just because she was so nervous.
Sometimes grandmother would say, "A little louder if you please,
Victoria.  I thought when I sent you to St Agatha's they would at
least teach you to open your mouth when reading even if they
couldn't teach you geography and history."  And Jane would raise
her voice so suddenly that Aunt Gertrude would jump.  But the next
evening it might be, "Not quite so loud, Victoria, if you please.
We are not deaf."  And poor Jane's voice would die away to little
more than a whisper.

When she had finished grandmother and Aunt Gertrude would bow their
heads and repeat the Lord's Prayer.  Jane would try to say it with
them, which was a difficult thing because grandmother was generally
two words ahead of Aunt Gertrude.  Jane always said "Amen"
thankfully.  The beautiful prayer, haloed with all the loveliness
of age-long worship, had become a sort of horror to Jane.

Then Aunt Gertrude would close the Bible and put it back in exactly
the same place, to the fraction of a hair, on the centre table.
Finally Jane had to kiss her and grandmother good night.
Grandmother would always remain sitting in her chair and Jane would
stoop and kiss her forehead.

"Good night, grandmother."

"Good night, Victoria."

But Aunt Gertrude would be standing by the centre table and Jane
would have to reach up to her, for Aunt Gertrude was tall.  Aunt
Gertrude would stoop just a little and Jane would kiss her narrow
grey face.

"Good night, Aunt Gertrude."

"Good night, Victoria," Aunt Gertrude would say in her thin, cold
voice.

And Jane would get herself out of the room, sometimes lucky enough
not to knock anything over.

"When I grow up I'll never, never read the Bible or say that
prayer," she would whisper to herself as she climbed the long,
magnificent staircase which had once been the talk of Toronto.

One night grandmother had smiled and said, "What do you think of
the Bible, Victoria?"

"I think it is very dull," said Jane truthfully.  The reading had
been a chapter full of "knops" and "taches," and Jane had not the
least idea what knops or taches were.

"Ah!  But do you think your opinion counts for a great deal?" said
grandmother, smiling with paper-thin lips.

"Why did you ask me for it then?" said Jane, and had been icily
rebuked for impertinence when she had not had the least intention
of being impertinent.  Was it any wonder she went up the staircase
that night fairly loathing 60 Gay?  And she did not want to loathe
it.  She wanted to love it . . . to be friends with it . . . to do
things for it.  But she could not love it . . . it wouldn't be
friendly . . . and there was nothing it wanted done.  Aunt Gertrude
and Mary Price, the cook, and Frank Davis, the houseman and
chauffeur, did everything for it.  Aunt Gertrude would not let
grandmother keep a housemaid because she preferred to attend to the
house herself.  Tall, shadowy, reserved Aunt Gertrude, who was so
totally unlike mother that Jane found it hard to believe they were
even half-sisters, was a martinet for order and system.  At 60 Gay
everything had to be done in a certain way on a certain day.  The
house was really frightfully clean.  Aunt Gertrude's cold grey eyes
could not tolerate a speck of dust anywhere.  She was always going
about the house putting things in their places and she attended to
everything.  Even mother never did anything except arrange the
flowers for the table when they had company and light the candles
for dinner.  Jane would have liked the fun of doing that.  And Jane
would have liked to polish the silver and cook.  More than anything
else Jane would have liked to cook.  Now and then, when grandmother
was out, she hung about the kitchen and watched good-natured Mary
Price cook the meals.  It all seemed so easy. . . .  Jane was sure
she could do it perfectly if she were allowed.  It must be such fun
to cook a meal.  The smell of it was almost as good as the eating
of it.

But Mary Price never let her.  She knew the old lady didn't approve
of Miss Victoria talking to the servants.

"Victoria fancies herself as domestic," grandmother had once said
at the midday Sunday dinner where, as usual, Uncle William Anderson
and Aunt Minnie and Uncle David Coleman and Aunt Sylvia Coleman and
their daughter Phyllis were present.  Grandmother had such a knack
of making you feel ridiculous and silly in company.  All the same,
Jane wondered what grandmother would say if she knew that Mary
Price, being somewhat rushed that day, had let Jane wash and
arrange the lettuce for the salad.  Jane knew what grandmother
would do.  She would refuse to touch a leaf of it.

"Well, shouldn't a girl be domestic?" said Uncle William, not
because he wanted to take Jane's part but because he never lost an
opportunity of announcing his belief that a woman's place was in
the home.  "Every girl should know how to cook."

"I don't think Victoria wants very much to learn how to cook," said
grandmother.  "It is just that she likes to hang about kitchens and
places like that."

Grandmother's voice implied that Victoria had low tastes and that
kitchens were barely respectable.  Jane wondered why mother's face
flushed so suddenly and why a strange, rebellious look gleamed for
a moment in her eyes.  But only for a moment.

"How are you getting on at St Agatha's, Victoria?" asked Uncle
William.  "Going to get your grade?"

Jane did not know whether she was going to get her grade or not.
The fear haunted her night and day.  She knew her monthly reports
had not been very good . . . grandmother had been very angry over
them and even mother had asked her piteously if she couldn't do a
little better.  Jane had done the best she could, but history and
geography were so dull and drab.  Arithmetic and spelling were
easier.  Jane was really quite brilliant in arithmetic.

"Victoria can write wonderful compositions, I hear," said
grandmother sarcastically.  For some reason Jane couldn't fathom at
all, her ability to write good compositions had never pleased
grandmother.

"Tut, tut," said Uncle William.  "Victoria could get her grade
easily enough if she wanted to.  The thing to do is to study hard.
She's getting to be a big girl now and ought to realize that.  What
is the capital of Canada, Victoria?"

Jane knew perfectly well what the capital of Canada was but Uncle
William fired the question at her so unexpectedly and all the
guests stopped eating to listen . . . and for the moment she
couldn't remember for her life what the name was.  She blushed . . .
stammered . . . squirmed.  If she had looked at mother she would
have seen that mother was forming the world silently on her lips
but she could not look at any one.  She was ready to die of shame
and mortification.

"Phyllis," said Uncle William, "tell Victoria what the capital of
Canada is."

Phyllis promptly responded:  "Ottawa."

"O-t-t-a-w-a," said Uncle William to Jane.  Jane felt that they
were all, except mother, watching her for something to find fault
with and now Aunt Sylvia Coleman put on a pair of nose-glasses
attached to a long black ribbon and looked at Jane through them as
if wishing to be sure what a girl who didn't know the capital of
her country was really like.  Jane, under the paralysing influence
of that stare, dropped her fork and writhed in anguish when she
caught grandmother's eye.  Grandmother touched her little silver
bell.

"Will you bring Miss Victoria another fork, Davis?" she said in a
tone implying that Jane had had several forks already.

Uncle William put the piece of white chicken meat he had just
carved off on the side of the platter.  Jane had been hoping he
would give it to her.  She did not often get white meat.  When
Uncle William was not there to carve, Mary carved the fowls in the
kitchen and Frank passed the platter around.  Jane seldom dared to
help herself to white meat because she knew grandmother was
watching her.  On one occasion when she had helped herself to two
tiny pieces of breast grandmother had said:

"Don't forget, my dear Victoria, there are other people who might
like a breast slice, too."

At present Jane reflected that she was lucky to get a drumstick.
Uncle William was quite capable of giving her the neck by way of
rebuking her for not knowing the capital of Canada.  However, Aunt
Sylvia very kindly gave her a double portion of turnip.  Jane
loathed turnip.

"You don't seem to have much appetite, Victoria," said Aunt Sylvia
reproachfully when the mound of turnip had not decreased much.

"Oh, I think Victoria's appetite is all right," said grandmother,
as if it were the only thing about her that was all right.  Jane
always felt that there was far more in what grandmother said than
in the words themselves.  Jane might then and there have broken her
record for never crying, she felt so utterly wretched, had she not
looked at mother.  And mother was looking so tender and sympathetic
and understanding that Jane spunked up at once and simply made no
effort to eat any more turnip.

Aunt Sylvia's daughter Phyllis, who did not go to St Agatha's but
to Hillwood Hall, a much newer but even more expensive school,
could have named not only the capital of Canada but the capital of
every province in the Dominion.  Jane did not like Phyllis.
Sometimes Jane thought drearily that there must be something the
matter with her when there were so many people she didn't like.
But Phyllis was so condescending . . . and Jane hated to be
condescended to.

"Why don't you like Phyllis?" grandmother had asked once, looking
at Jane with those eyes that, Jane felt, could see through walls,
doors, everything, right into your inmost soul.  "She is pretty,
lady-like, well behaved and clever . . . everything that you are
not," Jane felt sure grandmother wanted to add.

"She patronizes me," said Jane.

"Do you really know the meaning of all the big words you use, my
dear Victoria?" said grandmother.  "And don't you think that . . .
possibly . . . you are a little jealous of Phyllis?"

"No, I don't think so," said Jane firmly.  She knew she was not
jealous of Phyllis.

"Of course, I must admit she is very different from that Jody of
yours," said grandmother.  The sneer in her voice brought an angry
sparkle into Jane's eyes.  She could not bear to hear any one sneer
at Jody.  And yet what could she do about it?



3


She and Jody had been pals for a year.  Jody matched Jane's eleven
years of life and was tall for her age, too . . . though not with
Jane's sturdy tallness.  Jody was thin and weedy and looked as if
she had never had enough to eat in her life . . . which was very
likely the case, although she lived in a boarding-house--58 Gay,
which had once been a fashionable residence and was now just a
dingy three-story boarding-house.

One evening in the spring of the preceding year Jane was out in the
back yard of 60 Gay, sitting on a rustic bench in an old disused
summer-house.  Mother and grandmother were both away and Aunt
Gertrude was in bed with a bad cold, or else Jane would not have
been sitting in the back yard.  She had crept out to have a good
look at the full moon . . . Jane had her own particular reasons for
liking to look at the moon . . . and the white blossoming cherry-
tree over in the yard of 58.  The cherry-tree, with the moon
hanging over it like a great pearl, was so beautiful that Jane felt
a queer lump in her throat when she looked at it . . .  almost as
if she wanted to cry.  And then . . . somebody really was crying
over in the yard of 58.  The stifled, piteous sounds came clearly
on the still, crystal air of the spring evening.

Jane got up and walked out of the summer-house and around the
garage, past the lonely dog-house that had never had a dog in it
. . . at least, in Jane's recollection . . . and so to the fence
that had ceased to be iron and become a wooden paling between 60 and
58.  There was a gap in it behind the dog-house where a slat had
been broken off amid a tangle of creeper and Jane, squeezing through
it, found herself in the untidy yard of 58.  It was still quite
light and Jane could see a girl huddled at the root of the cherry-
tree, sobbing bitterly, her face in her hands.

"Can I help you?" said Jane.

Though Jane herself had no inkling of it, those words were the
keynote of her character.  Any one else would probably have said,
"What is the matter?"  But Jane always wanted to help: and, though
she was too young to realize it, the tragedy of her little
existence was that nobody ever wanted her help . . . not even
mother, who had everything heart could wish.

The child under the cherry-tree stopped sobbing and got on her
feet.  She looked at Jane and Jane looked at her and something
happened to both of them.  Long afterwards Jane said, "I knew we
were the same kind of folks."  Jane saw a girl of about her own
age, with a very white little face under a thick bang of black hair
cut straight across her forehead.  The hair looked as if it had not
been washed for a long time but the eyes underneath it were brown
and beautiful, though of quite a different brown from Jane's.
Jane's were goldy-brown like a marigold, with laughter lurking in
them, but this girl's were very dark and very sad . . . so sad that
Jane's heart did something queer inside of her.  She knew quite
well that it wasn't right that anybody so young should have such
sad eyes.

The girl wore a dreadful old blue dress that had certainly never
been made for her.  It was too long and too elaborate and it was
dirty and grease-spotted.  It hung on the thin little shoulders
like a gaudy rag on a scarecrow.  But the dress mattered nothing to
Jane.  All she was conscious of was those appealing eyes.

"Can I help?" she asked again.

The girl shook her head and the tears welled up in her big eyes.

"Look," she pointed.

Jane looked and saw between the cherry-tree and the fence what
seemed like a rudely made flower-bed strewn over with roses that
were ground into the earth.

"Dick did that," said the girl.  "He did it on purpose . . .
because it was my garden.  Miss Summers had them roses sent her
last week . . . twelve great big red ones for her birthday . . .
and this morning she said they were done and told me to throw them
in the garbage pail.  But I couldn't . . . they were still so
pretty.  I come out here and made that bed and stuck the roses all
over it.  I knew they wouldn't last long . . . but they looked
pretty and I pretended I had a garden of my own . . . and now . . .
Dick just come out and stomped all over it . . . and LAUGHED."

She sobbed again.  Jane didn't know who Dick was but at that moment
she could cheerfully have wrung his neck with her strong, capable
little hands.  She put her arm about the girl.

"Never mind.  Don't cry any more.  See, we'll break off a lot of
little cherry boughs and stick them all over your bed.  They're
fresher than the roses . . . and think how lovely they'll look in
the moonlight."

"I'm scared to do that," said the girl.  "Miss West might be mad."

Again Jane felt a thrill of understanding.  So this girl was afraid
of people, too.

"Well, we'll just climb up on that big bough that stretches out and
sit there and admire it," said Jane.  "I suppose that won't make
Miss West mad, will it?"

"I guess she won't mind that.  Of course she's mad at me anyhow to-
night because I stumbled with a tray of tumblers when I was waiting
on the supper table and broke three of them.  She said if I kept on
like that . . . I spilled soup on Miss Thatcher's silk dress last
night . . . she'd have to send me away."

"Where would she send you?"

"I don't know.  I haven't anywhere to go.  But she says I'm not
worth my salt and she's only keeping me out of charity."

"What is your name?" asked Jane.  They had scrambled up into the
cherry-tree as nimbly as pussy cats and its whiteness enclosed and
enfolded them, shutting them away into a fragrant world all their
own.

"Josephine Turner.  But every one calls me Jody."

Jody!  Jane liked that.

"Mine's Jane Stuart."

"I thought it was Victoria," said Jody.  "Miss West said it was."

"It's Jane," said Jane firmly.  "At least, it's Jane Victoria but
_I_ am Jane.  And now"--briskly--"let's get acquainted."

Before Jane went back through the gap that night she knew
practically all there was to be known about Jody.  Jody's father
and mother were dead . . . had been dead ever since Jody was a
baby.  Jody's mother's cousin, who had been the cook at 58, had
taken her and was permitted to keep her at 58 if she never let her
out of the kitchen.  Two years ago Cousin Millie had died and Jody
had just "stayed on."  She helped the new cook . . . peeling
potatoes, washing dishes, sweeping, dusting, running errands,
scouring knives . . . and lately had been promoted to waiting on
the table.  She slept in a little attic cubby-hole which was hot in
summer and cold in winter, she wore cast-off things the boarders
gave her and went to school every day there was no extra rush.
Nobody ever gave her a kind word or took any notice of her . . .
except Dick who was Miss West's nephew and pet and who teased and
tormented her and called her "charity child."  Jody hated Dick.
Once when everybody was out she had slipped into the parlour and
picked out a little tune on the piano but Dick had told Miss West
and Jody had been sternly informed that she must never touch the
piano again.

"And I'd love to be able to play," she said wistfully.  "That and a
garden's the only things I want.  I do wish I could have a garden."

Jane wondered again why things were so criss-cross.  She did not
like playing on the piano but grandmother had insisted on her
taking music lessons and she practised faithfully to please mother.
And here was poor Jody hankering for music and with no chance at
all of getting it.

"Don't you think you could have a bit of a garden?" said Jane.
"There's plenty of room here and it's not too shady, like our yard.
I'd help you make a bed and I'm sure mother would give us some
seeds. . . ."

"It wouldn't be any use," said Jody drearily.  "Dick would just
stomp on it, too."

"Then I'll tell you," said Jane resolutely, "we'll get a seed
catalogue . . . Frank will get me one . . . and have an IMAGINARY
garden."

"Ain't you the one for thinking of things?" said Jody admiringly.
Jane tasted happiness.  It was the first time any one had ever
admired her.



4


Of course it was no time before grandmother knew about Jody.  She
made a great many sweetly sarcastic speeches about her but she
never actually forbade Jane going over to play with her in the yard
of 58.  Jane was to be a good many years older before she
understood the reason for that . . . understood that grandmother
wanted to show any one who might question it that Jane had common
tastes and liked low people.

"Darling, is this Jody of yours a nice little girl?" mother had
asked doubtfully.

"She is a very nice little girl," said Jane emphatically.

"But she looks so uncared for . . . positively dirty. . . ."

"Her face is always clean and she never forgets to wash behind her
ears, mummy.  I'm going to show her how to wash her hair.  Her hair
would be lovely if it was clean . . . it's so fine and black and
silky.  And may I give her one of my jars of cold cream. . . .
I've two, you know . . . for her hands?  They're so red and chapped
because she has to work so hard and wash so many dishes."

"But her clothes. . . ."

"She can't help her clothes.  She just has to wear what's given her
and she never has more than two dresses at a time . . . one to wear
every day and one to go to Sunday school in.  Even the Sunday
school one isn't very clean . . . it was Mrs Bellew's Ethel's old
pink one and she spilled coffee on it.  And she has to work so hard
. . . she's a regular little slave, Mary says.  I like Jody very
much, mummy.  She's sweet."

"Well" . . . mother sighed and gave way.  Mother always gave way if
you were firm enough.  Jane had already discovered that.  She
adored mother but she had unerringly laid her finger on the weak
spot in her character.  Mother couldn't "stand up to" people.  Jane
had heard Mary say that to Frank one time when they didn't think
she heard and she knew it was true.

"She'll go with the last one that talks to her," said Mary.  "And
that's always the old lady."

"Well, the old lady's mighty good to her," said Frank.  "She's a
gay little piece."

"Gay enough.  But is she happy?" said Mary.

"Happy?  Of course, mummy is happy," Jane had thought indignantly
. . . all the more indignantly because, away back in her mind, there
was lurking a queer suspicion that mother, in spite of her dances
and dinners and furs and dresses and jewels and friends, wasn't
happy.  Jane couldn't imagine why she had this idea.  Perhaps a
look in mother's eyes now and then . . . like something shut up in
a cage.

Jane could go over and play in the yard of 58 in the spring and
summer evenings after Jody had finished washing stacks of dishes.
They made their "imaginary" garden, they fed crumbs to the robins
and the black and grey squirrels, they sat up in the cherry-tree
and watched the evening star together.  And talked!  Jane, who
could never find anything to say to Phyllis, found plenty to say to
Jody.

There was never any question of Jody coming to play in the yard of
60.  Once, early in their friendship, Jane had asked Jody to come
over.  She had found Jody crying under the cherry-tree again and
discovered that it was because Miss West had insisted on her
putting her old Teddy bear in the garbage pail.  It was, Miss West
said, utterly worn out.  It had been patched until there was no
more room for patches and even shoe buttons couldn't be sewn any
more into its worn-out eye-sockets.  Besides, she was too old to be
playing with Teddy bears.

"But I've nothing else," sobbed Jody.  "If I had a doll, I wouldn't
mind.  I've always wanted a doll . . . but now I'll have to sleep
alone away up there . . . and it's so lonesome."

"Come over to our house and I'll give you a doll," said Jane.

Jane had never cared much for dolls because they were not alive.
She had a very nice one which Aunt Sylvia had given her the
Christmas she was seven but it was so flawless and well dressed
that it never needed to have anything done for it and Jane had
never loved it.  She would have loved better a Teddy bear that
needed a new patch every day.

She took Jody, wide-eyed and enraptured, through the splendours of
60 Gay and gave her the doll which had reposed undisturbed for a
long time in the lower drawer of the huge black wardrobe in Jane's
room.  Then she had taken her into mother's room to show her the
things on mother's table . . . the silver-backed brushes, the
perfume bottles with the cut-glass stoppers that made rainbows, the
wonderful rings on the little gold tray.  Grandmother found them
there.

She stood in the doorway and looked at them.  You could feel the
silence spreading through the room like a cold, smothering wave.

"What does this mean, Victoria . . . if I am allowed to ask?"

"This is . . . Jody," faltered Jane.  "I . . . I brought her over
to give her my doll.  She hasn't any."

"Indeed?  And you have given her the one your Aunt Sylvia gave
you?"

Jane at once realized that she had done something quite
unpardonable.  It had never occurred to her that she was not at
liberty to give away her own doll.

"I have not," said grandmother, "forbidden you to play with this
. . . this JODY in her own lot.  What is in the blood is bound to
come out sooner or later.  But . . .  if you don't mind . . .
please don't bring your riff-raff here, my dear Victoria."

Her dear Victoria got herself and poor hurt Jody away as best she
could, leaving the doll behind them.  But grandmother did not get
off scot-free for all that.  For the first time the worm turned.
Jane paused for a moment before she went out of the door and looked
straight at grandmother with intent, judging brown eyes.

"You are not fair," she said.  Her voice trembled a little but she
felt she had to say it, no matter how impertinent grandmother
thought her.  Then she followed Jody down and out with a strange
feeling of satisfaction in her heart.

"I ain't riff-raff," said Jody, her lips quivering.  "Of course I'm
not like you. . . . Miss West says you're PEOPLE . . . but my folks
were respectable.  Cousin Millie told me so.  She said they always
paid their way while they were alive.  And I work hard enough for
Miss West to pay my way."

"You aren't riff-raff and I love you," said Jane.  "You and mother
are the only people in the whole world I love."

Even as she said it a queer little pang wrung Jane's heart.  It
suddenly occurred to her that two people out of all the millions in
the world . . . Jane never could remember the exact number of
millions but she knew it was enormous . . . were very few to love.

"And I like loving people," thought Jane.  "It's nice."

"I don't love anybody but you," said Jody, who forgot her hurt
feelings as soon as Jane got her interested in building a castle
out of all the old tin cans in the corner of the yard.  Miss West
hoarded her tin cans for a country cousin who made some mysterious
use of them.  He had not been in all winter and there were enough
cans to build a towering structure.  Dick kicked it down next day,
of course, but they had had the fun of building it.  They never
knew that Mr Torrey, one of the 58 boarders who was a budding
architect, saw the castle, gleaming in the moonlight, when he was
putting his car in the garage and whistled over it.

"That's rather an amazing thing for those two kids to build," he
said.

Jane, who should have been asleep, was lying wide awake that very
moment, going on with the story of her life in the moon which she
could see through her window.

Jane's "moon secret," as she called it, was the one thing she
hadn't shared with mother and Jody.  She couldn't, somehow.  It was
her very own.  To tell about it would be to destroy it.  For three
years now Jane had been going on dream voyages to the moon.  It was
a shimmering world of fancy where she lived very splendidly and
sated some deep thirst in her soul at unknown, enchanted springs
among its shining silver hills.  Before she had found the trick of
going to the moon, Jane had longed to get into the looking-glass as
Alice did.  She used to stand so long before her mirror hoping for
the miracle to happen that Aunt Gertrude said Victoria was the
vainest child she had ever seen.

"Really?" said grandmother, as if mildly inquiring what Jane could
possibly have to be vain about.

Eventually Jane had sadly concluded that she could never get into
the looking-glass world, and then one night, when she was lying
alone in her big unfriendly room, she saw the moon looking in at
her through one of the windows . . . the calm, beautiful moon that
was never in a hurry; and she began to build for herself an
existence in the moon, where she ate fairy food and wandered
through fairy fields, full of strange white moon-blossoms, with the
companions of her fancy.

But even in the moon Jane's dreams ran true to the ruling passion.
Since the moon was all silver it had to be polished every night.
Jane and her moon friends had no end of fun polishing up the moon,
with an elaborate system of rewards and punishments for extra good
polishers and lazy ones.  The lazy ones were generally banished to
the other side of the moon . . . which Jane had read was very dark
and very cold.  When they were allowed back, chilled to the bone,
they were glad to warm themselves up by rubbing as hard as they
could.  Those were the nights when the moon seemed brighter than
usual.  Oh, it was fun!  Jane was never lonely in bed now except on
nights when there was no moon.  The clearest sight Jane knew was
the thin crescent in the western sky that told her her friend was
back.  She was supported through many a dreary day by the hope of
going on a moon spree at night.



5


Up to the age of ten Jane had believed her father was dead.  She
could not recall that anybody had ever told her so, but if she had
thought about it at all she would have felt quite sure of it.  She
just did not think about it . . . nobody ever mentioned him.  All
she knew about him was that his name must have been Andrew Stuart,
because mother was Mrs Andrew Stuart.  For anything else, he might
as well never have existed as far as Jane was concerned.  She did
not know much about fathers.  The only one she was really
acquainted with was Phyllis's father, Uncle David Coleman, a
handsome, oldish man with pouches under his eyes, who grunted at
her occasionally when he came to Sunday dinners.  Jane had an idea
his grunts were meant to be friendly and she did not dislike him,
but there was nothing about him that made her envy Phyllis for
having a father.  With a mother so sweet and adorable and loving,
what did one want of a father?

Then Agnes Ripley came to St Agatha's.  Jane liked Agnes well
enough at first, though Agnes had stuck her tongue out at Jane
rather derisively on the occasion of their first meeting.  She was
the daughter of somebody who was called "the great Thomas Ripley"
. . . he had built "railroads and things" . . . and most of the St
Agatha's girls paid court to her and plumed themselves if she
noticed them.  She was much given to "secrets," and it came to be
thought a great honour among the St Agathians if Agnes told you a
secret.  Therefore Jane was conscious of a decided thrill when one
afternoon on the playground Agnes came up to her and said, darkly
and mysteriously, "I know a secret."

"I know a secret" is probably the most intriguing phrase in the
world.  Jane surrendered to its allure.

"Oh, tell me," she implored.  She wanted to be admitted to that
charmed inner circle of girls who had been told one of Agnes's
secrets; and she wanted to know the secret for its own sake.
Secrets must always be wonderful, beautiful things.

Agnes wrinkled up her fat little nose and looked important.

"Oh, I'll tell you some other time."

"I don't want to hear it some other time.  I want to hear it now,"
pleaded Jane, her marigold eyes full of eager radiance.

Agnes's little elfish face, framed in its straight brown hair, was
alive with mischief.  She winked one of her green eyes at Jane.

"All right.  Don't blame me if you don't like it when you hear it.
Listen."

Jane listened.  The towers of St Agatha's listened.  The shabby
streets beyond listened.  It seemed to Jane that the whole world
listened.  She was one of the chosen . . . Agnes was going to tell
her a secret.

"Your father and mother don't live together."

Jane stared at Agnes.  What she had said didn't make any sense.

"Of course they don't live together," she said.  "My father is
dead."

"Oh, no, he isn't," said Agnes.  "He's living down in Prince Edward
Island.  Your mother left him when you were three years old."

Jane felt as if some big cold hand were beginning to squeeze her
heart.

"That . . . isn't . . . true," she gasped.

"'Tis, too.  I heard Aunt Dora telling mother all about it.  She
said your mother married him just after he came back from the war,
one summer when your grandmother took her down to the Maritimes.
Your grandmother didn't want her to.  Aunt Dora said everybody knew
it wouldn't last long.  He was poor.  But it was you that made the
most trouble.  You should never have been born.  Neither of them
wanted you, Aunt Dora said.  They fought like cat and dog after
that and at last your mother just up and left him.  Aunt Dora said
she would likely have divorced him only divorces are awful hard to
get in Canada and anyhow all the Kennedys think divorce is a
dreadful thing."

The hand was gripping Jane's heart so tightly now that she could
hardly breathe.

"I . . . I don't believe it," she said.

"If that's how you're going to talk when I tell you a secret, I'll
never tell you another one, Miss Victoria Stuart," said Agnes,
reddening with rage.

"I don't want to hear any more," said Jane.

She would never forget what she had heard.  It couldn't be true . . .
it couldn't.  Jane thought the afternoon would never end.  St
Agatha's was a nightmare.  Frank had never driven so slowly home.
The snow had never looked so grimy and dirty along the dingy
streets.  The wind had never been so grey.  The moon, floating high
in the sky, was all faded and paper-white but Jane didn't care if
it was never polished again.

An afternoon tea was in progress at 60 Gay when she arrived there.
The big drawing-room, decorated lavishly with pale pink snapdragons
and tulips and maidenhair fern, was full of people.  Mother, in
orchid chiffon, with loose trailing lace sleeves, was laughing and
chatting.  Grandmother, with blue-white diamonds sparkling in her
hair, was sitting on her favourite needle-point chair, looking, so
one lady said, "Such an utterly sweet silver-haired thing, just
like a Whistler mother."  Aunt Gertrude and Aunt Sylvia were
pouring tea at a table covered with Venetian lace, where tall pink
tapers were burning.

Straight through them all Jane marched to mother.  She did not care
how many people were there . . . she had one question to ask and it
must be answered at once.  At once.  Jane could not bear her
suspense another moment.

"Mummy," she said, "is my father alive?"

A strange, dreadful hush suddenly fell over the room.  A light like
a sword flashed into grandmother's blue eyes.  Aunt Sylvia gasped
and Aunt Gertrude turned an unbecoming purple.  But mother's face
was as if snow had fallen over it.

"Is he?" said Jane.

"Yes," said mother.  She said nothing more.  Jane asked nothing
more.  She turned and went out and up the stairs blindly.  In her
own room she shut the door and lay down very softly on the big
white bearskin rug by the bed, her lace buried in the soft fur.
Heavy black waves of pain seemed rolling over her.

So it was true.  All her life she had thought her father dead while
he was living . . . on that far-away dot on the map which she had
been told was the province of Prince Edward Island.  But he and
mother did not like each other and she had not been wanted.  Jane
found that it was a very curious and unpleasant sensation to feel
that your parents hadn't wanted you.  She was sure that all the
rest of her life she would hear Agnes's voice saying, "You should
never have been born."  She hated Agnes Ripley . . . she would
always hate her.  Jane wondered if she would live to be as old as
grandmother and how she could bear it if she did.

Mother and grandmother found her there when everybody had gone.

"Victoria, get up."

Jane did not move.

"Victoria, I am accustomed to be obeyed when I speak."

Jane got up.  She had not cried . . . hadn't somebody ages ago said
that "Jane never cried" . . . but her face was stamped with an
expression that might have wrung anybody's heart.  Perhaps it
touched even grandmother, for she said, quite gently for her:

"I have always told your mother, Victoria, that she ought to tell
you the truth.  I told her you were sure to hear it from someone
sooner or later.  Your father is living.  Your mother married him
against my wish and lived to repent it.  I forgave her and welcomed
her back gladly when she came to her senses.  That is all.  And in
future when you feel an irresistible urge to make a scene while we
are entertaining, will you be good enough to control the impulse
until our guests are gone?"

"Why didn't he like me?" asked Jane dully.

When all was said and done, that seemed to be what was hurting
most.  Her mother might not have wanted her either, to begin with,
but Jane knew that mother loved her now.

Mother suddenly gave a little laugh so sad that it nearly broke
Jane's heart.

"He was jealous of you, I think," she said.

"He made your mother's life wretched," said grandmother, her voice
hardening.

"Oh, I was to blame, too," cried mother chokingly.

Jane, looking from one to the other, saw the swift change that came
over grandmother's face.

"You will never mention your father's name in my hearing or in your
mother's hearing again," said grandmother.  "As far as we are
concerned . . .  as far as YOU are concerned . . . he is dead."

The prohibition was unnecessary.  Jane didn't want to mention her
father's name again.  He had made mother unhappy, and so Jane hated
him and put him out of her thoughts completely.  There were just
some things that didn't bear thinking of and father was one of
them.  But the most terrible thing about it all was that there was
something now that could not be talked over with mother.  Jane felt
it between them, indefinable but there.  The old perfect confidence
was gone.  There was a subject that must never be mentioned and it
poisoned everything.

She could never bear Agnes Ripley and her cult of "secrets" again
and was glad when Agnes left the school, the great Thomas having
decided that it was not quite up-to-date enough for his daughter.
Agnes wanted to learn tap-dancing.



6


It was a year now since Jane had learned that she had a father . . .
a year in which Jane had just scraped through as far as her grade
was concerned. . . . Phyllis had taken the prize for general
proficiency in her year and did Jane hear of it! . . . had
continued to be driven to and from St Agatha's, had tried her best
to like Phyllis and had not made any great headway at it, had
trysted with Jody in the back yard twilights and had practised her
scales as faithfully as if she liked it.

"Such a pity you are not fonder of music," said grandmother.  "But
of course, how could you be?"

It was not so much what grandmother said as how she said it.  She
made wounds that rankled and festered.  And Jane was fond of music
. . . she loved to listen to it.  When Mr Ransome, the musical
boarder at 58, played on his violin in his room in the evenings, he
never dreamed of the two enraptured listeners he had in the back
yard cherry-tree.  Jane and Jody sat there, their hands clasped,
their hearts filled with some nameless ecstasy.  When winter came
and the bedroom window was shut, Jane felt the loss keenly.  The
moon was her only escape then and she slipped away to it oftener
than ever, in long visitations of silence which grandmother called
"sulks."

"She has a very sulky disposition," said grandmother.

"Oh, I don't think so," faltered mother.  The only times she ever
dared to contradict grandmother were in defence of Jane.  "She's
just rather . . . sensitive."

"Sensitive!"  Grandmother laughed.  Grandmother did not often
laugh, which Jane thought was just as well.  As for Aunt Gertrude,
if she had ever laughed or jested it must have been so long ago
that nobody remembered it.  Mother laughed when people were about
. . . little tinkling laughs that Jane could never feel were real.
No, there was not much real laughter at 60 Gay, though Jane, with
her concealed gift for seeing the funny side of things, could have
filled even that big house with laughter.  But Jane had known very
early that grandmother resented laughter.  Even Mary and Frank had
to giggle very discreetly in the kitchen.

Jane had shot up appallingly in that year.  She was rather more
angular and awkward.  Her chin was square and cleft.

"It gets more like HIS every day," she once heard grandmother
saying bitterly to Aunt Gertrude.  Jane winced.  In her bitter new
wisdom she suspected that "his" was her father's chin and she
straightway detested hers.  Why couldn't it have been a pretty
rounded one like mother's?

The year was very uneventful.  Jane would have called it monotonous
if she had not as yet been unacquainted with the word.  There were
only three things in it that made much impression on her . . . the
incident of the kitten, the mysterious affair of Kenneth Howard's
picture and the unlucky recitation.

Jane had picked the kitten up on the street.  One afternoon Frank
had been in a great hurry to get somewhere on time for grandmother
and mother and he had let Jane walk home from the beginning of Gay
Street when he was bringing her from St Agatha's.  Jane walked
along happily, savouring this rare moment of independence.  It was
very seldom she was allowed to walk anywhere alone . . . to walk
anywhere at all, indeed.  And Jane loved walking.  She would have
liked to walk to and from St Agatha's or, since that really was too
far, she would have liked to go by street-car.  Jane loved
travelling on a streetcar.  It was fascinating to look at the
people in it and speculate about them.  Who was that lady with the
lovely shimmering hair?  What was the angry old woman muttering to
herself about?  Did that little boy like having his mother clean
his face with her handkerchief in public?  Did that jolly looking
little girl have trouble getting her grade?  Did that man have
toothache and did he ever look pleasant when he hadn't it?  She
would have liked to know all about them and sympathize or rejoice
as occasion required.  But it was very seldom any resident of 60
Gay had a chance to go on a street-car.  There was always Frank
with the limousine.

Jane walked slowly to prolong the pleasure.  It was a cold day in
late autumn.  It had been miserly of its light from the beginning,
with a dim ghost of sun peering through the dull grey clouds, and
now it was getting dark and spitting snow.  The lights gleamed out:
even the grim windows of Victorian Gay were abloom.  Jane did not
mind the bitter wind but something else did.  Jane heard the most
pitiful, despairing little cry and looked down to see the kitten,
huddled miserably against an iron fence.  She bent and picked it up
and held it against her face.  The little creature, a handful of
tiny bones in its fluffed-out Maltese fur, licked her cheek with an
eager tongue.  It was cold, starving, forsaken.  Jane knew it did
not belong to Gay Street.  She could not leave it there to perish
in the oncoming stormy night.

"Goodness sake, Miss Victoria, wherever did you get that?"
exclaimed Mary, when Jane entered the kitchen.  "You shouldn't have
brought it in.  You know your grandmother doesn't like cats.  Your
Aunt Gertrude got one once but it clawed all the tassels off the
furniture and it had to go.  Better put that kitten right out, Miss
Victoria."

Jane hated to be called "Miss Victoria," but grandmother insisted
on the servants addressing her so.

"I CAN'T put it out in the cold, Mary.  Let me give it some supper
and leave it here till after dinner.  I'll ask grandmother to let
me keep it.  Perhaps she will if I promise to keep it out here and
in the yard.  You wouldn't mind it round, would you, Mary?"

"I'd like it," said Mary.  "I've often thought a cat would be great
company . . . or a dog.  Your mother had a dog once but it got
poisoned and she would never have another."

Mary did not tell Jane that she firmly believed the old lady had
poisoned the dog.  You didn't tell children things like that and
anyway she couldn't be dead sure of it.  All she was sure of was
that old Mrs Kennedy had been bitterly jealous of her daughter's
love for the dog.

"How she used to look at it when she didn't know I saw her,"
thought Mary.

Grandmother and Aunt Gertrude and mother were taking in a couple of
teas that day so Jane knew she could count on at least an hour yet.
It was a pleasant hour.  The kitten was happy and frolicsome,
having drunk milk until its little sides tubbed out almost to the
bursting point.  The kitchen was warm and cosy.  Mary let Jane chop
the nuts that were to be sprinkled over the cake and cut the pears
into slim segments for the salad.

"Oh, Mary, blueberry pie!  Why don't we have it oftener?  You can
make such delicious blueberry pie."

"There's some who can make pies and some who can't," said Mary
complacently.  "As for having it oftener, you know your grandmother
doesn't care much for any kind of pie.  She says they're
indigestible . . . and my father lived to be ninety and had pie for
breakfast every morning of his life!  I just make it occasional for
your mother."

"After dinner I'll tell grandmother about the kitten and ask her if
I may keep it," said Jane.

"I think you'll have your trouble for your pains, you poor child,"
said Mary as the door closed behind Jane.  "Miss Robin ought to
stand up for you more than she does . . . but there, she's always
been under the thumb of her mother.  Any way, I hope the dinner
will go well and keep the old dame in good humour.  I wisht I
hadn't made the blueberry pie after all.  It's lucky she won't know
Miss Victoria fixed the salad . . . what folks don't know never
hurts them."

The dinner did not go well.  There was a tension in the air.
Grandmother did not talk . . . evidently some occurrence of the
afternoon had put her out.  Aunt Gertrude never talked at any time.
And mother seemed uneasy and never once tried to pass Jane any of
the little signals they had . . . the touched lip . . . the lifted
eyebrow . . . the crooked finger . . . that all meant "honey
darling" or "I love you" or "consider yourself kissed."

Jane, burdened by her secret, was even more awkward than usual, and
when she was eating her blueberry pie she dropped a forkful of it
on the table.

"This," said grandmother, "might have been excused in a child of
five.  It is absolutely inexcusable in a girl of your age.
Blueberry stain is almost impossible to get out and this is one of
my best table-cloths.  But of course that is a matter of small
importance."

Jane gazed at the table in dismay.  How such a little bit of pie
could have spread itself over so much territory she could not
understand.  And of course it had to be at this inauspicious moment
that a little purry furry creature escaped the pursuing Mary,
skittered across the dining-room and bounded into Jane's lap.
Jane's heart descended to her boots.

"Where did that cat come from?" demanded grandmother.

"I mustn't be a coward," thought Jane desperately.

"I found it on the street and brought it in," she said bravely . . .
defiantly, grandmother thought.  "It was so cold and hungry . . .
look how thin it is, grandmother.  Please may I keep it?  It's such
a darling.  I won't let it trouble you . . . I'll . . ."

"My dear Victoria, don't be ridiculous.  I really supposed you knew
we do not keep cats here.  Be good enough to put that creature out
at once."

"Oh, not out on the street, grandmother, PLEASE.  Listen to the
sleet . . . it would die."

"I expect you to obey me without argument, Victoria.  You cannot
have your own way all the time.  Other people's wishes must be
considered occasionally.  Please oblige me by making no further
fuss over a trifle."

"Grandmother," began Jane passionately.  But grandmother lifted a
little wrinkled, sparkling hand.

"Now, now, don't work yourself into a state, Victoria.  Take that
thing out at once."

Jane took the kitten to the kitchen.

"Don't worry, Miss Victoria.  I'll get Frank to put it in the
garage with a rug to lie on.  It will be quite comfy.  And to-
morrow I'll find a good home for it at my sister's.  She's fond of
cats."

Jane never cried, so she was not crying when mother slipped rather
stealthily into her room for a good-night kiss.  She was only tense
with rebellion.

"Mummy, I wish we could get away . . . just you and I.  I hate this
place, mummy, I hate it."

Mother said a strange thing and said it bitterly:  "There is no
escape for either of us now."



7


Jane could never understand the affair of the picture.  After her
hurt and anger passed away she was just hopelessly puzzled.  Why
. . . WHY . . . should the picture of a perfect stranger matter to
anybody at 60 Gay . . . and to mother, least of all?

She had come across it one day when she was visiting Phyllis.
Every once in so long Jane had to spend an afternoon with Phyllis.
This one was no more of a success than the former ones had been.
Phyllis was a conscientious hostess.  She had shown Jane all her
new dolls, her new dresses, her new slippers, her new pearl
necklace, her new china pig.  Phyllis was collecting china pigs and
apparently thought any one "dumb" who was not interested in china
pigs.  She had patronized and condescended even more than usual.
Consequently Jane was stiffer than usual and both of them were in
agonies of boredom.  It was a relief to all concerned when Jane
picked up a Saturday Evening and buried herself in it, though she
was not in the least interested in the society pages, the
photographs of brides and debutantes, the stock market or even in
the article, "Peaceful Adjustment of International Difficulties,"
by Kenneth Howard, which was given a place of honour on the front
page.  Jane had a vague idea that she ought not to be reading
Saturday Evening.  For some unknown reason grandmother did not
approve of it.  She would not have a copy of it in her house.

But what Jane did like was the picture of Kenneth Howard on the
front page.  The moment she looked at it she was conscious of its
fascination.  She had never seen Kenneth Howard . . . she had no
idea who he was or where he lived . . . but she felt as if it were
the picture of someone she knew very well and liked very much.  She
liked everything about it . . . his odd peaked eyebrows . . . the
way his thick rather unruly hair sprang back from his forehead . . .
the way his firm mouth tucked in at the corners . . . the slightly
stern look in the eyes which yet had such jolly wrinkles at the
corners . . . and the square, cleft chin which reminded Jane so
strongly of something, she couldn't remember just what.  That chin
seemed like an old friend.  Jane looked at the face and drew a long
breath.  She knew, right off, that if she had loved her father
instead of hating him she would have wanted him to look like Kenneth
Howard.

Jane stared at the picture so long that Phyllis became curious.

"What are you looking at, Jane?"

Jane suddenly came to life.

"May I have this picture, Phyllis . . . please?"

"Whose picture?  Why . . . that?  Do you know him?"

"No.  I never heard of him before.  But I like the picture."

"I don't."  Phyllis looked at it contemptuously.  "Why . . . he's
old.  And he isn't a bit handsome.  There's a lovely picture of
Norman Tait on the next page, Jane . . . let me show it to you."

Jane was not interested in Norman Tait nor any other screen star.
Grandmother did not approve of children going to the movies.

"I'd like this picture if I may have it," she said firmly.

"I guess you can have it," condescended Phyllis.  She thought Jane
"dumber" than ever.  How she did pity such a dumb girl!  "I guess
nobody here wants THAT picture.  I don't like it a bit.  He looks
as if he was laughing at you behind his eyes."

Which was a bit of surprising insight on the part of Phyllis.  That
was just how Kenneth Howard did look.  Only it was nice laughter.
Jane felt she wouldn't mind a bit being laughed at like that.  She
cut the picture carefully out, carried it home, and hid it under
the pile of handkerchiefs in her top bureau drawer.  She could
hardly have told why she did not want to show it to anybody.
Perhaps she did not want any one to ridicule the picture as Phyllis
had done.  Perhaps it was just because there seemed some strange
bond between her and it . . . something too beautiful to be talked
about to any one, even mother.  Not that there was much chance of
talking to mother about anything just now.  Never had mother been
so brilliant, so gay, so beautifully dressed, so constantly on the
go to parties and teas and bridges.  Even the goodnight kiss had
become a rare thing . . . or Jane thought it had.  She did not know
that always when her mother came in late, she tiptoed into Jane's
room and dropped a kiss on Jane's russet hair . . . lightly so as
not to waken her.  Sometimes she cried when she went back to her
own room but not often, because it might show at breakfast and old
Mrs Robert Kennedy did not like people who cried o' nights in her
house.

For three weeks the picture and Jane were the best of friends.  She
took it out and looked at it whenever she could . . . she told it
all about Jody and about her tribulations with her homework and
about her love for mother.  She even told it her moon secret.  When
she lay lonely in her bed, the thought of it was company.  She
kissed it good night and took a peep at it the first thing in the
morning.

Then Aunt Gertrude found it.

The moment Jane came in from St Agatha's that day she knew
something was wrong.  The house, which always seemed to be watching
her, was watching her more closely than ever, with a mocking,
triumphant malice.  Great-grandfather Kennedy scowled more darkly
than ever at her from the drawing-room wall.  And grandmother was
sitting bolt-upright in her chair flanked by mother and Aunt
Gertrude.  Mother was twisting a lovely red rose to pieces in her
little white hands but Aunt Gertrude was staring at the picture
grandmother was holding.

"MY picture!" cried Jane aloud.

Grandmother looked at Jane.  For once her cold blue eyes were on
fire.

"Where did you get this?" she said.

"It's mine," cried Jane.  "Who took it out of my drawer?  Nobody
had any business to do that."

"I don't think I like your manner, Victoria.  And we are not
discussing a problem in ethics.  I asked a question."

Jane looked down at the floor.  She had no earthly idea why it
seemed such a crime to have Kenneth Howard's picture but she knew
she was not going to be allowed to have it any more.  And it seemed
to Jane that she just could not bear that.

"Will you be kind enough to look at me, Victoria?  And to answer my
question?  You are not tongue-tied, by any chance, I suppose."

Jane looked up with stormy and mutinous eyes.

"I cut it out of a paper . . . out of Saturday Evening."

"That rag!"  Grandmother's tone consigned Saturday Evening to
unfathomable depths of contempt.  "Where did you see it?"

"At Aunt Sylvia's," retorted Jane, plucking up spirit.

"Why did you cut this out?"

"Because I liked it."

"Do you know who Kenneth Howard is?"

"No."

"'No, grandmother,' if you please.  Well, I think it is hardly
necessary to keep the picture of a man you don't know in your
bureau drawer.  Let us have no more of such absurdity."

Grandmother lifted the picture in both hands.  Jane sprang forward
and caught her arm.

"Oh, grandmother, don't tear it up.  You mustn't.  I want it
terribly."

The moment she said it, she knew she had made a mistake.  There had
never been much chance of getting the picture back but what little
there had been was now gone.

"Have you gone completely mad, Victoria?" said grandmother . . . to
whom nobody had ever said, "You mustn't," in her whole life before.
"Take your hand off my arm, please.  As for this . . ." grandmother
tore the picture deliberately into four pieces and threw them on
the fire.  Jane, who felt as if her heart were being torn with it,
was on the point of a rebellious outburst when she happened to
glance at mother.  Mother was pale as ashes, standing there with
the leaves of the rose she had torn to pieces strewing the carpet
around her feet.  There was such a dreadful look of pain in her
eyes that Jane shuddered.  The look was gone in a moment but Jane
could never forget that it had been there.  And she knew she could
not ask mother to explain the mystery of the picture.  For some
reason she could not guess at, Kenneth Howard meant suffering to
mother.  And somehow that fact stained and spoiled all her
beautiful memories of communion with the picture.

"No sulks now.  Go to your room and stay there till I send for
you," said grandmother, not altogether liking Jane's expression.
"And remember that people who belong here do not read Saturday
Evening."

Jane had to say it.  It really said itself.

"I don't belong here," said Jane.  Then she went to her room, which
was huge and lonely again, with no Kenneth Howard smiling at her
from under the handkerchiefs.

And this was another thing she could not talk over with mother.
She felt just like one big ache as she stood at her window for a
long time.  It was a cruel world . . . with the very stars laughing
at you . . . twinkling mockingly at you.

"I wonder," said Jane slowly, "if any one was ever happy in this
house."

Then she saw the moon . . . the new moon, but not the thin silver
crescent the new moon usually was.  This was just on the point of
sinking into a dark cloud on the horizon and it was large and dull
red.  If ever a moon needed polishing up this one did.  In a moment
Jane had slipped away from all her sorrows . . . two hundred and
thirty thousand miles away.  Luckily grandmother had no power over
the moon.



8


Then there was the affair of the recitation.

They were getting up a school programme at St Agatha's to which
only the families of the girls were invited.  There were to be a
short play, some music and a reading or two.  Jane had secretly
hoped to be given a part in the play, even if it were only one of
the many angels who came and went in it, with wings and trailing
white robes and home-made haloes.  But no such good luck.  She
suspected that it was because she was rather bony and awkward for
an angel.

Then Miss Semple asked her if she would recite.

Jane jumped at the idea.  She knew she could recite rather well.
Here was a chance to make mother proud of her and show grandmother
that all the money she was spending on Jane's education was not
being wholly wasted.

Jane picked a poem she had long liked in spite, or perhaps because,
of its habitant English, "The Little Baby of Mathieu," and plunged
enthusiastically into learning it.  She practised it in her room
. . . she murmured lines of it everywhere until grandmother asked her
sharply what she was muttering about all the time.  Then Jane shut
up like a clam.  Nobody must suspect . . . it was to be a "surprise"
to them all.  A proud and glad surprise for mother.  And perhaps
even grandmother might feel a little pleased with her if she did
well.  Jane knew she would meet with no mercy if she didn't do well.

Grandmother took Jane down to a room in Marlborough's big
department store . . . a room that had panelled walls, velvety
carpets and muted voices . . . a room that Jane didn't like,
somehow.  She always felt smothered in it.  And grandmother got her
a new dress for the concert.  It was a very pretty dress . . . you
had to admit grandmother had a taste in dresses.  A dull green silk
that brought out the russet glow of Jane's hair and the gold-brown
of her eyes.  Jane liked herself in it and was more anxious than
ever to please grandmother with her recitation.

She was terribly worried the night before the concert.  Wasn't she
a little hoarse?  Suppose it got worse?  It did not . . . it was
all gone the next day.  But when Jane found herself on the concert
platform facing an audience for the first time, a nasty little
quiver ran down her spine.  She had never supposed there would be
so many people.  For one dreadful moment she thought she was not
going to be able to utter a word.  Then she seemed to see Kenneth
Howard's eyes, crinkling with laughter at her.  "Never mind them.
Do your stuff for ME," he seemed to be saying.  Jane got her mouth
open.

The St Agatha staff were quite amazed.  Who could have supposed
that shy, awkward Victoria Stuart could recite any poem so well,
let alone a habitant one?  Jane herself was feeling the delight of
a certain oneness with her audience . . . a realization that she
had captured them . . . that she was delighting them . . . until
she came to the last verse.  Then she saw mother and grandmother
just in front of her.  Mother, in her lovely new blue fox furs,
with the little wine hat Jane loved tilted on one side of her head,
was looking more frightened than proud, and grandmother . . . Jane
had seen that expression too often to mistake it.  Grandmother was
furious.

The last verse, which should have been the climax, went rather
flat.  Jane felt like a candle-flame blown out, though the applause
was hearty and prolonged, and Miss Semple behind the scenes
whispered, "Excellent, Victoria, excellent."

But there were no compliments on the road home.  Not a word was
said . . . that was the dreadful part of it.  Mother seemed too
frightened to speak and grandmother preserved a stony silence.  But
when they got home she said:

"Who put you up to that, Victoria?"

"Put me up to what?" said Jane in honest bewilderment.

"Please don't repeat my questions, Victoria.  You know perfectly
well what I mean."

"Is it my recitation?  No one.  Miss Semple asked me to recite, and
I picked the recitation myself because I liked it," said Jane.  It
might even be said she retorted it.  She was hurt . . . angry . . .
a little "pepped up" because of her success.  "I thought it would
please you.  But you are never pleased with anything I do."

"Don't be cheaply theatrical, please," said grandmother.  "And in
future if you HAVE to recite," very much as she might have said,
"if you have to have smallpox" . . . "please choose poems in decent
English.  I do not care for patois."

Jane didn't know what patois was, but it was all too evident that
she had made a mess of things somehow.

"Why was grandmother so angry, mummy?" she asked piteously, when
mother came in to kiss her good night, cool, slim and fragrant, in
a dress of rose crêpe with little wisps of lace over the shoulders.
Mother's blue eyes seemed to mist a little.

"Someone she . . . did not like . . . used to be . . . very good at
reading habitant poetry.  Never mind, heart's delight.  You did
splendidly.  I was proud of you."

She bent down and took Jane's face in her hands.  Mother had such a
dear way of doing that.

So, in spite of everything, Jane went very happily through the
gates of sleep.  After all, it does not take much to make a child
happy.



9


The letter was a bolt from the blue.  It came one dull morning in
early April . . . but such a bitter, peevish, unlovely April . . .
more like March in its disposition than April.  It was Saturday, so
there would be no St Agatha's and when Jane wakened in her big
black walnut bed she wondered just how she would put in the day
because mother was going to a bridge and Jody was sick with a cold.

Jane lay a little while, looking through the window, where she
could see only dull grey sky and old tree tops having a fight with
the wind.  She knew that in the yard below the window on the north
there was still a lingering bank of dirty grey snow.  Jane thought
dirty snow must be the dreariest thing in the world.  She hated
this shabby end of winter.  And she hated the bedroom where she had
to sleep alone.  She wished she and mother could sleep together.
They could have such lovely times talking to each other with no one
else to hear, after they went to bed or early in the morning.  And
how lovely it would be when you woke up in the night to hear
mother's soft breathing beside you and cuddle to her just a wee
bit, carefully, so as not to disturb her.

But grandmother would not let mother sleep with her.

"It is unhealthy for two people to sleep in the same bed,"
grandmother had said with her chill, unsmiling smile.  "Surely in a
house of this size everybody can have a room to herself.  There are
many people in the world who would be grateful for such a
privilege."

Jane thought she might have liked the room better if it had been
smaller.  She always felt lost in it.  Nothing in it seemed to be
related to her.  It always seemed hostile, watchful, vindictive.
And yet Jane always felt that if she were allowed to do things for
it . . . sweep it, dust it, put flowers in it . . . she would begin
to love it, huge as it was.  Everything in it was huge . . . a huge
black walnut wardrobe like a prison, a huge chest of drawers, a
huge walnut bedstead, a huge mirror over the massive black marble
mantelpiece . . . except a tiny cradle which was always kept in the
alcove by the fireplace . . . a cradle that grandmother had been
rocked in.  Fancy grandmother a baby!  Jane just couldn't.

Jane got out of bed and dressed herself under the stare of several
old dead grands and greats hung on the walls.  Below on the lawn
robins were hopping about.  Robins always made Jane laugh . . .
they were so saucy, so sleek, so important, strutting over the
grounds of 60 Gay just as if it were any common yard.  Much they
cared for grandmothers!

Jane slipped down the hall to mother's room at the far end.  She
was not supposed to do this.  It was understood at 60 Gay that
mother must not be disturbed in the mornings.  But mother, for a
wonder, had not been out the night before and Jane knew she would
be awake.  Not only was she awake but Mary was just bringing in her
breakfast tray.  Jane would have loved to do this for mother but
she was never allowed.

Mother was sitting up in bed wearing the daintiest breakfast jacket
of tea-rose crêpe de Chine edged with cobwebby beige lace.  Her
cheeks were just the colour of her jacket and her eyes were fresh
and dewy.  Mother, Jane reflected proudly, looked as lovely when
she got up in the mornings as she did before she went to bed.

Mother had chilled melon balls in orange juice instead of cereal,
and she shared them with Jane.  She offered half of her toast, too,
but Jane knew she must save some appetite for her own breakfast and
refused it.  They had a lovely time, laughing and talking beautiful
nonsense, very quietly, so as not to be overheard.  Not that either
of them ever put this into words; but both knew.

"I wish it could be like this every morning," thought Jane.  But
she did not say so.  She had learned that whenever she said
anything like that mother's eyes darkened with pain and she would
not hurt mother for the world.  She could never forget the time she
had heard mother crying in the night.

She had wakened up with toothache and had crept down to mother's
room to see if mother had any toothache drops.  And, as she opened
the door ever so softly, she heard mother crying in a dreadful
smothered sort of way.  Then grandmother had come along the hall
with her candle.

"Victoria, what are you doing here?"

"I have toothache," said Jane.

"Come with me and I will get you some drops," said grandmother
coldly.

Jane went . . . but she no longer minded the toothache.  Why was
mother crying?  It couldn't be possible she was unhappy . . .
pretty, laughing mother.  The next morning at breakfast mother
looked as if she had never shed a tear in her life.  Sometimes Jane
wondered if she had dreamed it.

Jane put the lemon verbena salts into the bath water for mother and
got a pair of new stockings, thin as dew gossamers, out of the
drawer for her.  She loved to do things for mother and there was so
little she could do.

She had breakfast alone with grandmother, Aunt Gertrude having had
hers already.  It is not pleasant to eat a meal alone with a person
you do not like.  And Mary had forgotten to put salt in the
oatmeal.

"Your shoe-lace is untied, Victoria."

That was the only thing grandmother said during the meal.  The
house was dark.  It was a sulky day that now and then brightened up
a little and then turned sulkier than ever.  The mail came at ten.
Jane was not interested in it.  There was never anything for her.
Sometimes she thought it would be nice and exciting to get a letter
from somebody.  Mother always got no end of letters . . .
invitations and advertisements.  This morning Jane carried the mail
into the library where grandmother and Aunt Gertrude and mother
were sitting.  Jane noticed among the letters one addressed to her
mother in a black spiky handwriting which Jane was sure she had
never seen before.  She hadn't the least idea that that letter was
going to change her whole life.

Grandmother took the letters from her and looked them over as she
always did.

"Did you close the vestibule door, Victoria?"

"Yes."

"Yes what?"

"Yes, grandmother."

"You left it open yesterday.  Robin, here is a letter from Mrs
Kirby . . . likely about that bazaar.  Remember it is my wish that
you have nothing to do with it.  I do not approve of Sarah Kirby.
Gertrude, here is one for you from Cousin Mary in Winnipeg.  If it
is about that silver service she avers my mother left her, tell her
I consider the matter closed.  Robin, here is . . ."

Grandmother stopped abruptly.  She had picked up the black-handed
letter and was looking at it as if she had picked up a snake.  Then
she looked at her daughter.

"This is from . . . him," she said.

Mother dropped Mrs Kirby's letter and turned so white that Jane
involuntarily sprang towards her but was barred by grandmother's
outstretched arm.

"Do you wish me to read it for you, Robin?"

Mother trembled piteously but she said, "No . . . no . . . let
me . . ."

Grandmother handed the letter over with an offended air and mother
opened it with shaking hands.  It did not seem as if her face could
turn whiter than it was, but it did as she read it.

"Well?" said grandmother.

"He says," gasped mother, "that I must send Jane Victoria to him
for the summer . . . that he has a right to her sometimes. . . ."

"Who says?" cried Jane.

"Do not interrupt, Victoria," said grandmother.  "Let me see that
letter, Robin."

They waited while grandmother read it.  Aunt Gertrude stared
unwinkingly ahead of her with her cold grey eyes in her long white
face.  Mother had dropped her head in her hands.  It was only three
minutes since Jane had brought the letters in and in those three
minutes the world had turned upside down.  Jane felt as if a gulf
had opened between her and all humankind.  She knew now without
being told who had written the letter.

"So!" said grandmother.  She folded the letter up, put it in its
envelope, laid it on her table and carefully wiped her hands with
her fine lace handkerchief.

"You won't let her go, of course, Robin."

For the first time in her life Jane felt at one with grandmother.
She looked imploringly at mother with a curious feeling of seeing
her for the first time . . . not as a loving mother or affectionate
daughter but as a woman . . . a woman in the grip of some terrible
emotion.  Jane's heart was torn by another pang in seeing mother
suffer so.

"If I don't," she said, "he may take her from me altogether.  He
could, you know.  He says . . ."

"I have read what he says," said grandmother, "and I still tell you
to ignore that letter.  He is doing this simply to annoy you.  He
cares nothing for her . . . he never cared for anything but his
scribbling."

"I'm afraid . . ." began mother again.

"We'd better consult William," said Aunt Gertrude suddenly.  "This
needs a man's advice."

"A man!" snapped grandmother.  Then she seemed to pull herself up.
"You may be right, Gertrude.  I shall lay the matter before William
when he comes to supper to-morrow.  In the meantime we shall not
discuss it.  We shall not allow it to disturb us in the least."

Jane felt as if she were in a nightmare the rest of the day.
Surely it must be a dream . . . surely her father could not have
written her mother that she must spend the summer with him, a
thousand miles away in that horrible Prince Edward Island which
looked on the map to be a desolate little fragment in the jaws of
Gaspé and Cape Breton . . . with a father who didn't love her and
whom she didn't love.

She had no chance to say anything about it to mother . . .
grandmother saw to that.  They all went to Aunt Sylvia's luncheon
. . . mother did not look as if she wanted to go anywhere . . . and
Jane had lunch alone.  She couldn't eat anything.

"Does your head ache, Miss Victoria?" Mary asked sympathetically.

Something was aching terribly but it did not seem to be her head.
It ached all the afternoon and evening and far on into the night.
It was still aching when Jane woke the next morning with a
sickening rush of remembrance.  Jane felt that it might help the
ache a little if she could only have a talk with mother, but when
she tried mother's door it was locked.  Jane felt that mother
didn't want to talk to her about this and that hurt worse than
anything else.

They all went to church . . . an old and big and gloomy church on a
downtown street where the Kennedys had always gone.  Jane was
rather fond of going to church for the not very commendable reason
that she had some peace there.  She could be silent without someone
asking her accusingly what she was thinking of.  Grandmother had to
let her alone in church.  And if you couldn't be loved, the next
best thing was to be let alone.

Apart from that Jane did not care for St Barnabas's.  The sermon
was beyond her.  She liked the music and some of the hymns.
Occasionally there was a line that gave her a thrill.  There was
something fascinating about coral strands and icy mountains, tides
that moving seemed asleep, islands that lifted their fronded palms
in air, reapers that bore harvest treasures home and years like
shadows on sunny hills that lie.

But nothing gave Jane any pleasure to-day.  She hated the pale
sunshine that sifted down between the chilly, grudging clouds.
What business had the sun even to try to shine while her fate hung
in the balance like this?  The sermon seemed endless, the prayers
dreary, there was not even a hymn line she liked.  But Jane put up
a desperate prayer on her own behalf.

"Please, dear God," she whispered, "make Uncle William say I
needn't be sent to him."

Jane had to live in suspense as to what Uncle William would say
until the Sunday supper was over.  She ate little.  She sat looking
at Uncle William with fear in her eyes, wondering if God really
could have much influence over him.  They were all there . . .
Uncle William and Aunt Minnie, Uncle David and Aunt Sylvia, and
Phyllis; and after supper they all went to the library and sat in a
stiff circle while Uncle William put on his glasses and read the
letter.  Jane thought every one must hear the beating of her heart.

Uncle William read the letter . . . turned back and read a certain
paragraph twice . . . pursed his lips . . . folded up the letter
and fitted it into its envelope . . . took off his glasses . . .
put them into their case and laid it down . . . cleared his throat
and reflected.  Jane felt that she was going to scream.

"I suppose," said Uncle William at last, "that you had better let
her go."

There was a good deal more said, though Jane said nothing.
Grandmother was very angry.

But Uncle William said, "Andrew Stuart could take her altogether if
he had a mind to.  And, knowing him for what he is, I think he very
likely would if you angered him.  I agree with you, mother, that he
is only doing this to annoy us, and when he sees that it has not
annoyed us and that we are taking it quite calmly he will probably
never bother about her again."

Jane went up to her room and stood alone in it.  She saw with eyes
of despair the great, big, unfriendly place.  She saw herself in
the big mirror reflected in another dim unfriendly room.

"God," said Jane distinctly and deliberately, "is no good."



10


"I think your father and mother might have got on if it hadn't been
for you," said Phyllis.

Jane winced.  She hadn't known that Phyllis knew about her father.
But it seemed that everybody had known except her.  She did not
want to talk about him but Phyllis was bent on talking.

"I don't see," said Jane miserably, "why I made so much difference
to them."

"Mother says your father was jealous because Aunt Robin loved you
so much."

This, thought Jane, was a different yarn from the one Agnes Ripley
had told.  Agnes had said her mother hadn't wanted her.  What was
the truth?  Perhaps neither Phyllis nor Agnes knew it.  Anyhow,
Jane liked Phyllis's version better than Agnes's.  It was dreadful
to think you ought never to have been born . . . that your mother
wasn't glad to have you.

"Mother says," went on Phyllis, finding that Jane had nothing to
say, "that if you lived in the States Aunt Robin could get a
divorce easy as wink, but it's harder in Canada."

"What is a divorce?" asked Jane, remembering that Agnes Ripley had
used the same word.

Phyllis laughed condescendingly.

"Victoria, don't you know anything?  A divorce is when two people
get unmarried."

"Can people get unmarried?" gasped Jane to whom it was an entirely
new idea.

"Of course they can, silly.  Mother says your mother ought to go to
the States and get a divorce but father says it wouldn't be legal
in Canada and anyway the Kennedys don't believe in it.  Father says
grandmother wouldn't allow it either, for fear Aunt Robin would
just go and marry somebody else."

"If . . . if mother got a divorce does that mean that he wouldn't
be my father any more?" querried Jane hopefully.

Phyllis looked dubious.

"I shouldn't suppose it would make any difference that way.  But
whoever she married would be your stepfather."

Jane did not want a stepfather any more than she wanted a father.
But she said nothing again and Phyllis was annoyed.

"How do you like the idea of going to P. E. Island, Victoria?"

Jane was not going to expose her soul to the patronizing Phyllis.

"I don't know anything about it," she said shortly.

"_I_ do," said Phyllis importantly.  "We spent a summer there two
years ago.  We lived in a big hotel on the north shore.  It's quite
a pretty place.  I daresay you'll like it for a change."

Jane knew she would hate it.  She tried to turn the conversation
but Phyllis meant to thrash the subject out.

"How do you suppose you'll get along with your father?"

"I don't know."

"He likes clever people, you know, and you're not very clever, are
you, Victoria?"

Jane did not like being made feel like a worm.  Phyllis always made
her feel like that . . . when she didn't make her feel like a
shadow.  And there was not a bit of use in getting mad with her.
Phyllis never got mad.  Phyllis, everybody said, was such a sweet
child . . . had such a lovely disposition.  She just went on
condescending.  Jane sometimes thought if they could have just one
good fight she would like Phyllis better.  Jane knew mother was a
bit worried because she didn't make more friends among girls of her
own age.

"You know," went on Phyllis, "that was one of the things. . . .
Aunt Robin thought she couldn't talk clever enough for him."

The worm turned.

"I am not going to talk any more about my mother . . . or him,"
said Jane distinctly.

Phyllis sulked a little and the afternoon was a failure.  Jane was
more thankful than usual when Frank came to take her home.

Little was being said at 60 Gay about Jane's going to the Island.
How quickly the days flew by!  Jane wished she could hold them
back.  Once, when she had been very small, she had said to mother,
"Isn't there any way we can stop time, mummy?"

Jane remembered that mother had sighed and said, "We can never stop
time, darling."

And now time just went stonily on . . . tick tock, tick tock . . .
sunrise, sunset, ever and ever nearer to the day when she would be
torn away from mother.  It would be early in June . . . St Agatha's
closed earlier than the other schools.  Grandmother took Jane to
Marlborough's late in May and got some very nice clothes for her
. . . much nicer than she had ever had before.  Under ordinary
circumstances Jane would have loved her blue coat and the smart
little blue hat with its tiny scarlet bow . . . and a certain
lovely frock of white, eyelet-embroidered in red, with a smart red
leather belt.  Phyllis had nothing nicer than that.  But now she
had no interest in them.

"I don't suppose she'll have much use for very fine clothes down
there," mother had said.

"She shall go fitted out properly," said grandmother.  "He shall
not need to buy clothes for her, of that I shall make sure.  And
Irene Fraser shall have no chance to comment.  I suppose he has
some kind of a hovel to live in or he would not have sent for her.
Did any one ever tell you, Victoria, that it is not proper to
butter your whole slice of bread at once?  And do you think it
would be possible, just for a change, to get through a meal without
letting your napkin slip off your knee continually?"

Jane dreaded meal-times more than ever.  Her preoccupation made her
awkward and grandmother pounced on everything.  She wished she need
never come to the table, but unluckily one cannot live without
eating a little.  Jane ate very little.  She had no appetite and
grew noticeably thinner.  She could not put any heart into her
studies and she barely made the Senior Third while Phyllis passed
with honours.

"As was to be expected," said grandmother.

Jody tried to comfort her.

"After all, it won't be so long.  Only three months, Jane."

Three months of absence from a beloved mother and three months'
presence with a detested father seemed like an eternity to Jane.

"You'll write me, Jane?  And I'll write you if I can get any
postage stamps.  I've got ten cents now . . . that Mr Ransome gave
me.  That will pay for three stamps anyhow."

Then Jane told Jody a heart-breaking thing.

"I'll write you often, Jody.  But I can write mother only once a
month.  And I'm never to mention him."

"Did your mother tell you that?"

"No, oh, no!  It was grandmother.  As if I'd want to mention him."

"I hunted up P. E. Island on the map," said Jody, her dark velvet-
brown eyes full of sympathy.  "There's such an awful lot of water
round it.  Ain't you afraid of falling over the edge?"

"I don't believe I'd mind if I did," said Jane dismally.



11


Jane was to go to the Island with Mr and Mrs Stanley who were going
down to visit a married daughter.  Somehow Jane lived through the
last days.  She was determined she would not make any fuss because
that would be hard on mother.  There were no more good-night
confidences and caressings . . . no more little tender loving words
spoken at special moments.  But Jane, somehow, knew the two reasons
for this.  Mother could not bear it, for one thing, and, for
another, grandmother was resolved not to permit it.  But on Jane's
last night at 60 Gay mother did slip in when grandmother was
occupied by callers below.

"Mother . . . mother!"

"Darling, be brave.  After all, it is only three months and the
Island is a lovely spot.  You may . . . if I'd known . . . once I
. . . oh, it doesn't matter now.  Nothing matters.  Darling, there's
one thing I must ask you to promise.  You are never to mention me
to your father."

"I won't," choked Jane.  It was an easy promise.  She couldn't
imagine herself talking to him about mother.

"He will like you better if . . . if . . . he thinks you don't love
me too much," whispered mother.  Down went her white lids over her
blue eyes.  But Jane had seen the look.  She felt as if her heart
was bursting.

The sky at sunrise was blood-red but it soon darkened into sullen
grey.  At noon a drizzle set in.  "I think the weather is sorry at
your going away," said Jody.  "Oh, Jane, I'll miss you so.  And . . .
I don't know if I'll be here when you come back.  Miss West says
she's going to put me in an orphanage, and I don't want to be put
in an orphanage, Jane.  Here's the pretty shell Miss Ames brought
from the West Indies for me.  It's the only pretty thing I have.  I
want you to have it because if I go to the orphanage I s'pose
they'll take it away from me."

The train left for Montreal at eleven that night and Frank took
Jane and her mother to the station.  She had kissed grandmother and
Aunt Gertrude good-bye dutifully.

"If you meet your Aunt Irene Fraser down on the Island remember me
to her," said grandmother.  There was an odd little tone of
exultation in her voice.  Jane felt that grandmother had got the
better of Aunt Irene in some way, at some time, and wanted it
rubbed in.  It was as if she had said, "She will remember me."  And
who was Aunt Irene?

60 Gay seemed to scowl at her as they drove away.  She had never
liked it and it had never liked her, but she felt drearily as if
some gate of life were shut behind her when the door closed.  She
and mother did not talk as they drove along over the elfish
underground city that comes into view under the black street on a
rainy night.  She was determined she would not cry and she did not.
Her eyes were wide with dismay but her voice was cool and quiet as
she said good-bye.  The last Robin Stuart saw of her was a gallant,
indomitable little figure waving to her as Mrs Stanley herded her
into the door of the Pullman.

They reached Montreal in the morning and left at noon on the
Maritime Express.  The time was to come when the very name of
Maritime Express was to thrill Jane with ecstasy but now it meant
exile.  It rained all day.  Mrs Stanley pointed out the mountains
but Jane was not having any mountains just then.  Mrs Stanley
thought her very stiff and unresponsive and eventually left her
alone . . . for which Jane would have thanked God, fasting, if she
had ever heard of the phrase.  Mountains!  When every turn of the
wheels was carrying her farther away from mother!

The next day they went down through New Brunswick, lying in the
grey light of a cheerless rain.  It was raining when they got to
Sackville and transferred to the little branch line that ran down
to Cape Tormentine.

"We take the car ferry there across to the Island," Mrs Stanley
explained.  Mrs Stanley had given up trying to talk to her.  She
thought Jane quite the dumbest child she had ever encountered.  She
had not the slightest inkling that Jane's silence was her only
bulwark against wild, rebellious tears.  And Jane WOULD NOT cry.

It was not actually raining when they reached the Cape.  As they
went on board the car ferry the sun was hanging, a flat red ball,
in a rift of clouds to the west.  But it soon darkened down again.
There was a grey choppy strait under a grey sky with dirty rags of
clouds around the edges.  By the time they got on the train again
it was pouring harder than ever.  Jane had been seasick on the way
across and was now terribly tired.  So this was Prince Edward
Island . . . this rain-drenched land where the trees cringed before
the wind and the heavy clouds seemed almost to touch the fields.
Jane had no eyes for blossoming orchard or green meadow or soft-
bosomed hills with scarfs of dark spruce across their shoulders.
They would be in Charlottetown in a couple of hours, so Mrs Stanley
said, and her father was to meet her there.  Her father, who didn't
love her, as mother said, and who lived in a hovel, as grandmother
said.  She knew nothing else about him.  She wished she knew
something . . . anything.  What did he look like?  Would he have
pouchy eyes like Uncle David?  A thin, sewed-up mouth like Uncle
William?  Would he wink at the end of every sentence like old Mr
Doran when he came to call on grandmother?

She was a thousand miles away from mother and felt as if it were a
million.  Terrible waves of loneliness went over her.  The train
was pulling into the station.

"Here we are, Victoria," said Mrs Stanley in a tone of relief.



12


As Jane stepped from the train to the platform a lady pounced on
her with a cry of "Is THIS Jane Victoria . . . can this be my DEAR
little Jane Victoria?"

Jane did not like to be pounced on . . . and just then she was not
feeling like anybody's Jane Victoria.

She drew herself away and took in the lady with one of her
straight, deliberate glances.  A very pretty lady of perhaps forty-
five or fifty, with large, pale blue eyes and smooth ripples of
auburn hair around her placid creamy face.  Was this Aunt Irene?

"Jane, if you please," she said politely and distinctly.

"For all the world like her grandmother Kennedy, Andrew," Aunt
Irene told her brother the next morning.

Aunt Irene laughed . . . an amused little gurgle.

"You dear funny child!  Of course it can be Jane.  It can be just
whatever you like.  I am your Aunt Irene.  But I suppose you've
never heard of me?"

"Yes, I have."  Jane kissed Aunt Irene's cheek obediently.
"Grandmother told me to remember her to you."

"Oh!"  Something a little hard crept into Aunt Irene's sweet voice.
"That was very kind of her . . . VERY kind indeed.  And now I
suppose you're wondering why your father isn't here.  He started
. . . he lives out at Brookview, you know . . . but that dreadful
old car of his broke down half-way.  He phoned in to me that he
couldn't possibly get in to-night but would be along early in the
morning and would I meet you and keep you for the night.  Oh, Mrs
Stanley, you're not going before I've thanked you for bringing our
dear little girl safely down to us.  We're so much obliged to you."

"Not at all.  It's been a pleasure," said Mrs Stanley, politely and
untruthfully.  She hurried away, thankful to be relieved of the odd
silent child who had looked all the way down as if she were an
early Christian martyr on her path to the lions.

Jane felt herself alone in the universe.  Aunt Irene did not make a
bit of difference.  Jane did not like Aunt Irene.  And she liked
herself still less.  What was the matter with her?  Couldn't she
like anybody?  Other girls liked some of their uncles and aunts at
least.

She followed Aunt Irene out to the waiting taxi.

"It's a terrible night, lovey . . . but the country needs rain . . .
we've been suffering for weeks . . . you must have brought it
with you.  But we'll soon be home.  I'm so glad to have you.  I've
been telling your father he ought to let you stay with me anyhow.
It's really foolish of him to take you out to Brookview.  He only
boards there, you know . . . two rooms over Jim Meade's store.  Of
course, he comes to town in the winter.  But . . . well, perhaps
you don't know, Jane darling, how very determined your father can
be when he makes up his mind."

"I don't know anything about him," said Jane desperately.

"I suppose not.  I suppose your mother has never talked to you
about him?"

"No," Jane answered reluctantly.  Somehow, Aunt Irene's question
seemed charged with hidden meaning.  Jane was to learn that this
was characteristic of Aunt Irene's questions.  Aunt Irene squeezed
Jane's hand, which she had held ever since she had helped her into
the taxi, sympathetically.

"You poor child!  I know exactly how you feel.  And I couldn't feel
it was the right thing for your father to send for you.  I'm sure I
don't know why he did it.  I couldn't fathom his motive . . .
although your father and I have always been very close to each
other . . . very close, lovey.  I am ten years older than he is and
I've always been more like a mother to him than a sister.  Here we
are at home, lovey."

Home!  The house into which Jane was ushered was cosy and sleek,
just like Aunt Irene herself, but Jane felt about as much at home
as a sparrow alone on an alien house-top.  In the living-room Aunt
Irene took off her hat and coat, patted her hair and put her arm
around Jane.

"Now let me look you over.  I hadn't a chance in the station, and I
haven't seen you since you were three years old."

Jane didn't want to be looked over and shrank back a little
stiffly.  She felt that she was being appraised and in spite of
Aunt Irene's kindness of voice and manner she sensed that there was
something in the appraisal not wholly friendly.

"You are not at all like your mother.  She was the prettiest thing
I ever saw.  You are like your father, darling.  And now we must
have a bite of supper."

"Oh, no, please no," cried Jane impulsively.  She knew she couldn't
swallow a mouthful . . . it was misery to think of trying.

"Just a bite . . . just one little bite," said Aunt Irene
persuasively as if coaxing a baby.  "There's such a nice chocolate
peppermint cake.  I really made it for your father.  He's just like
a boy in some ways, you know . . . such a sweet tooth.  And he has
always thought my chocolate cakes just about perfection.  Your
mother did try so hard to learn to make them like mine . . . but
. . . well, it's a gift.  You have it or you haven't.  One really
couldn't expect a lovely little doll like her to be a cook . . . or
a manager either for that matter and I told your father that often
enough.  Men don't always understand, do they?  They expect
everything in a woman.  Sit here, Janie."

Perhaps the "Janie" was the last straw.  Jane was not going to be
"Janied."

"Thank you, Aunt Irene," she said very politely and very
resolutely, "but I can't eat anything and it wouldn't be any use at
all to try.  Please may I go to bed?"

Aunt Irene patted her shoulder.

"Of course, you poor darling.  You're all tired out and everything
so strange.  I know how hard it is for you.  I'll take you right
upstairs to your room."

The room was very pretty, with hangings of basket-weave rose-
patterned cretonne and a silk-covered bed so smooth and sleek that
it looked as if it had never been slept in.  But Aunt Irene deftly
removed the silk spread and turned down the sheets.

"I hope you'll have a good sleep, lovey.  You don't know what it
means to me to have you sleeping under my roof . . . Andrew's
little girl . . . my only niece.  And I was always so fond of your
mother . . . but . . . well, I don't quite think she ever really
liked me.  I always felt she didn't, but I never let it make any
difference between us.  She didn't like to see me and your father
talking much together . . . I always realized that.  She was so
much younger than your father . . . a mere child . . . it was
natural for him to turn to me for advice as he'd always been used
to do.  He always talked things over with me first.  She was a
little jealous, I think . . . she could hardly help that, being Mrs
Robert Kennedy's daughter.  Never let yourself be jealous, Janie.
It wrecks more lives than anything else.  Here's a puff, lovey, if
you're chilly in the night.  A wet night in P. E. Island is apt to
be cool.  Good night, lovey."

Jane stood alone in the room and looked about her.  The bed lamp
had a lamp-shade painted with roses with a bead fringe.  For some
reason Jane couldn't endure that lamp-shade.  It was too smooth and
pretty just like Aunt Irene.  She went to it and put out the light.
Then she went to the window.  Beat, beat went the rain on the
panes.  Splash, splash went the rain on the roof of the veranda.
Beyond it Jane could see nothing.  Her heart swelled.  This black,
alien, starless land could never be home to her.

"If I only had mother," she whispered.  But, though she felt that
something had taken her life and torn it apart, she did not cry.



13


Jane was so tired after the preceding sleepless nights on the train
that she went to sleep almost at once.  But she wakened while it
was still night.  The rain had ceased.  A bar of shining light lay
across her bed.  She slipped out from between Aunt Irene's perfumed
sheets and went to the window.  The world had changed.  The sky was
cloudless and a few shining, distant stars looked down on the
sleeping town.  A tree not far away was all silvery bloom.
Moonlight was spilling over everything from a full moon that hung
like an enormous bubble over what must be a bay or harbour and
there was one splendid, sparkling trail across the water.  So there
was a moon in Prince Edward Island, too.  Jane hadn't really
believed it before.  And polished to the queen's taste.  It was
like seeing an old friend.  That moon was looking down on Toronto
as well as Prince Edward Island.  Perhaps it was shining on Jody,
asleep in her little attic room, or on mother coming home late from
some gay affair.  Suppose she were looking at it at this very
moment!  It no longer seemed a thousand miles to Toronto.

The door opened and Aunt Irene came in, in her nightdress.

"Lovey, what is the matter?  I heard you moving about and was
afraid you were ill."

"I just got up to look at the moon," said Jane.

"You funny childy!  Haven't you seen moons before?  You gave me a
real fright.  Now go back to bed like a darling.  You want to look
bright and fresh for father when he comes, you know."

Jane didn't want to look bright and fresh for anybody.  Was she
always to be spied upon?  She got into bed silently and was tucked
in for the second time.  But she could not sleep again.

Morning comes at last, be the night ever so long.  The day that was
to be such a marvellous day for Jane began like any other.  The
mackerel clouds . . . only Jane didn't know then they were mackerel
clouds . . . in the eastern sky began to take fire.  The sun rose
without any unusual fuss.  Jane was afraid to get up too early for
fear of alarming Aunt Irene again but at last she rose and opened
the window.  Jane did not know she was looking out on the loveliest
thing on earth . . . a June morning in Prince Edward Island . . .
but she knew it all seemed like a different world from last night.
A wave of fragrance broke in her face from the lilac hedge between
Aunt Irene's house and the next one.  The poplars in a corner of
the lawn were shaking in green laughter.  An apple-tree stretched
out friendly arms.  There was a far-away view of daisy-sprinkled
fields across the harbour where white gulls were soaring and
swooping.  The air was moist and sweet after the rain.  Aunt
Irene's house was on the fringe of the town and a country road ran
behind it . . . a road almost blood-red in its glistening wetness.
Jane had never imagined a road coloured like that.

"Why . . . why, P. E. Island is a pretty place," thought Jane half
grudgingly.

Breakfast was the first ordeal and Jane was no hungrier than she
had been the night before.

"I don't think I can eat anything, Aunt Irene."

"But you must, lovey.  I'm going to love you but I'm not going to
spoil you.  I expect you've always had a little too much of your
own way.  Your father may be along almost any minute now.  Sit
right down here and eat your cereal."

Jane tried.  Aunt Irene had certainly prepared a lovely breakfast
for her.  Orange juice . . . cereal with thick golden cream . . .
dainty triangles of toast . . . a perfectly poached egg . . . apple
jelly between amber and crimson.  There was no doubt Aunt Irene was
a good cook.  But Jane had never had a harder time choking down a
meal.

"Don't be so excited, lovey," said Aunt Irene with a smile as to
some very young child who needed soothing.

Jane did not think she was excited.  She had merely a queer,
dreadful, empty feeling which nothing, not even the egg, seemed
able to fill up.  And after breakfast there was an hour when Jane
discovered that the hardest work in the world is waiting.  But
everything comes to an end and when Aunt Irene said, "There's your
father now," Jane felt that everything had come to an end.

Her hands were suddenly clammy but her mouth was dry.  The ticking
of the clock seemed unnaturally loud.  There was a step on the path
. . . the door opened . . . someone was standing on the threshold.
Jane stood up but she could not raise her eyes . . . she could not.

"Here's your baby," said Aunt Irene.  "Isn't she a little daughter
to be proud of, 'Drew?  A bit too tall for her age perhaps, but . . ."

"A russet-haired jade," said a voice.

Only four words . . . but they changed life for Jane.  Perhaps it
was the voice more than the words . . . a voice that made
everything seem like a wonderful secret just you two shared.  Jane
came to life at last and looked up.

Peaked eyebrows . . . thick reddish-brown hair springing back from
his forehead . . . a mouth tucked in at the corners . . . square
cleft chin . . . stern hazel eyes with jolly looking wrinkles
around them.  The face was as familiar to her as her own.

"Kenneth Howard," gasped Jane.  She took a quite unconscious step
towards him.

The next moment she was lifted in his arms and kissed.  She kissed
him back.  She had no sense of strangerhood.  She felt at once the
call of that mysterious kinship of soul which has nothing to do
with the relationships of flesh and blood.  In that one moment Jane
forgot that she had ever hated her father.  She liked him . . . she
liked everything about him from the nice tobaccoey smell of his
heather-mixture tweed suit to the firm grip of his arms around her.
She wanted to cry but that was out of the question so she laughed
instead . . . rather wildly, perhaps, for Aunt Irene said
tolerantly, "Poor child, no wonder she is a little hysterical."

Father set Jane down and looked at her.  All the sternness of his
eyes had crinkled into laughter.

"Are you hysterical, my Jane?" he said gravely.

How she loved to be called "my Jane" like that!

"No, father," she said with equal gravity.  She never spoke of him
or thought of him as "he" again.

"Leave her with me a month and I'll fatten her up," smiled Aunt
Irene.

Jane felt a quake of dismay.  Suppose father did leave her.
Evidently father had no intention of doing anything of the sort.
He pulled her down on the sofa beside him and kept his arm about
her.  All at once everything was all right.

"I don't believe I want her fattened up.  I like her bones."  He
looked at Jane critically.  Jane knew he was looking her over and
didn't mind.  She only hoped madly that he would like her.  Would
he be disappointed because she was not pretty?  Would he think her
mouth too big?  "Do you know you have nice little bones, Janekin?"

"She's got her Grandfather Stuart's nose," said Aunt Irene.  Aunt
Irene evidently approved of Jane's nose but Jane had a disagreeable
feeling that she had robbed Grandfather Stuart of his nose.  She
liked it better when father said:

"I rather fancy the way your eyelashes are put on, Jane.  By the
way, do you like to be Jane?  I've always called you Jane but that
may be just pure cussedness.  You've a right to whatever name you
like.  But I want to know which name is the real YOU and which the
shadowy little ghost."

"Oh, I'm Jane," cried Jane.  And was she glad to be Jane!

"That's settled then.  And suppose you call me dad?  I'm afraid I'd
make a terribly awkward father but I think I could be a tolerable
dad.  Sorry I couldn't get in last night but my jovial,
disreputable old car died right on the road.  I managed to restore
it to life this morning . . . at least long enough to hop into town
like a toad . . . our mode of travelling added to the gaiety of P.
E. Island . . . but I'm afraid it's got to go into a garage for a
while.  After dinner we'll drive across the Island, Jane, and get
acquainted."

"We're acquainted now," said Jane simply.  It was true.  She felt
that she had known dad for years.  Yes, "dad" was nicer than
"father."  "Father" had unpleasant associations . . . she had hated
father.  But it was easy to love dad.  Jane opened the most secret
chamber of her heart and took him in . . . nay, found him there.
For dad was Kenneth Howard and Jane had loved Kenneth Howard for a
long, long time.

"This Jane person," dad remarked to the ceiling, "knows her
onions."



14


Jane found that waiting for something pleasant was very different
from waiting for something unpleasant.  Mrs Stanley would not have
known her with the laughter and sparkle in her eyes.  If the
forenoon seemed long it was only because she was in such a hurry to
be with dad again . . . and away from Aunt Irene.  Aunt Irene was
trying to pump her . . . about grandmother and mother and her life
at 60 Gay.  Jane was not going to be pumped, much to Aunt Irene's
disappointment.  Questioned she never so cleverly, Jane had a
disconcerting "yes" or "no" for every question and still more
disconcerting silence for suggestive remarks that were disguised
questions.

"So your Grandmother Kennedy is good to you, Janie?"

"Very good," said Jane unflinchingly.  Well, grandmother WAS good
to her.  There were St Agatha's and the music lessons and the
pretty clothes, the limousine and the balanced meals as evidence.
Aunt Irene had looked carefully at all her clothes.

"She never had any use for your father, you know, Janie.  I thought
perhaps she might take her spite out on you.  It was really she
that made all the trouble between him and your mother."

Jane said nothing.  She would not talk about that secret bitterness
to Aunt Irene.  Aunt Irene gave up in disgust.

Dad came back at noon without his car but with a horse and buggy.

"It's going to take all day to fix it.  I'm borrowing Jed Carson's
rig and he'll take it back when he brings the car and Jane's trunk
out to-morrow.  Did you ever have a buggy ride, my Jane?"

"You're not going without your dinners," said Aunt Irene.

Jane enjoyed that dinner, having eaten next to nothing ever since
she left Toronto.  She hoped dad wouldn't think her appetite
terrible.  For all she knew he was poor . . . that car hadn't
looked like wealth . . . and another mouth to fill might be
inconvenient.  But dad himself was evidently enjoying his dinner
. . . especially that chocolate peppermint cake.  Jane wished she
knew how to make chocolate peppermint cake, but she made up her
mind that she would never ask Aunt Irene how to make it.

Aunt Irene made a fuss over dad.  She purred over him . . .
actually purred.  And dad liked her purring and her honey-sweet
phrases just as well as he had liked her cake.  Jane saw that
clearly.

"It isn't really fair to the child to take her out to that
Brookview boarding-house of yours," said Aunt Irene.

"Who knows but I'll get a house of my own for the summer?" said
dad.  "Do you think you could keep house for me, Jane?"

"Yes," said Jane promptly.  She COULD.  She knew how a house should
be kept even if she had never kept one.  There are people who are
born knowing things.

"Can you cook?" asked Aunt Irene, winking at dad, as if over some
delicious joke.  Jane was pleased to see that dad did not wink
back.  And he saved her the ordeal of replying.

"Any descendant of my mother's can cook," he said.  "Come, my Jane,
put on thy beautiful garments and let's be on our way."

As Jane came downstairs in her hat and coat she could not help
hearing Aunt Irene in the dining-room.

"She's got a secretive strain in her, Andrew, that I confess I
don't like."

"Knows how to keep her own counsel, eh?" said dad.

"It's more than that, Andrew.  She's deep . . . take my word for
it, she's deep.  Old Lady Kennedy will never be dead while she is
alive.  But she is a very dear little girl for all that, Andrew . . .
we can't expect her to be faultless . . . and if there is anything I
can do for her you have only to let me know.  Be patient with her,
Andrew.  You know she's never been taught how to love you."

Jane fairly gritted her teeth.  The idea of her having to be taught
"how to love" dad!  It was . . . why, it was funny!  Jane's
annoyance with Aunt Irene dissolved in a little chuckle, as low-
pitched and impish as an owl's.

"DO be careful of poison ivy," Aunt Irene called after them as they
drove away.  "I'm told there is so much of it in Brookview.  DO
take good care of her, Andrew."

"You've got it wrong end foremost, Irene, like all women.  Any one
could see with half an eye that Jane is going to take care of ME."

A blithe soul was Jane as they drove away.  The glow at her heart
went with her across the Island.  She simply could not believe that
only a few hours had elapsed since she had been the most miserable
creature in the world.  It was jolly to ride in a buggy, just
behind a little red mare whose sleek hams Jane would have liked to
bend forward and slap.  She did not eat up the long red miles as a
car would have done, but Jane did not want them eaten up.  The road
was full of lovely surprises . . . a glimpse of far-off hills that
seemed made of opal dust . . . a whiff of wind that had been
blowing over a clover field . . . brooks that appeared from nowhere
and ran off into green shadowy woods where long branches of spicy
fir hung over the laced water . . . great white cloud mountains
towering up in the blue sky . . . a hollow of tipsy buttercups . . .
a tidal river unbelievably blue.  Everywhere she looked there was
something to delight her.  Everything seemed just on the point of
whispering a secret of happiness.  And there was something else . . .
the sea tang in the air.  Jane sniffed it for the first time . . .
sniffed again . . . drank it in.

"Feel in my right-hand pocket," said dad.

Jane explored and found a bag of caramels.  At 60 Gay she was not
allowed to eat candy between meals . . . but 60 Gay was a thousand
miles away.

"We're neither of us much for talking, it seems," said dad.

"No, but I think we entertain each other very well," said Jane, as
distinctly as she could with her jaws stuck together with caramel.

Dad laughed.  He had such a nice understanding laugh.

"I can talk a blue streak when the spirit moves me," he said.
"When it doesn't I like people to let me be.  You're a girl after
my own heart, Jane.  I'm glad I was predestined to send for you.
Irene argued against it.  But I'm a stubborn dud, my Jane, when I
take a notion into my noddle.  It just occurred to me that I wanted
to get acquainted with my daughter."

Dad did not ask about mother.  Jane was thankful he did not . . .
and yet she knew it was all wrong that he did not.  It was all
wrong that mother had asked her not to speak of her to him.  Oh,
there were too many things all wrong but one thing was indisputably
and satisfyingly right.  She was going to spend a whole summer with
dad and they were here together, driving over a road which had a
life of its own that seemed to be running through her veins like
quicksilver.  Jane knew that she had never been in any place or any
company that suited her so well.

The most delightful drive must end.

"We'll soon be at Brookview," said dad.  "I've been living at
Brookview this past year.  It is still one of the quiet places of
the earth.  I've a couple of rooms over Jim Meade's store.  Mrs Jim
Meade gives me my meals and thinks I'm a harmless lunatic because I
write."

"What do you write, dad?" asked Jane, thinking of "Peaceful
Adjustment of International Difficulties."

"A little of everything, Jane.  Stories . . . poems . . . essays
. . . articles on all subjects.  I even wrote a novel once.  But I
couldn't